


What's in a name?

by alicedragons



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Asylum, Dehumanisation, Discrimination, Doctor Rus, Forced institutionalisation, Hurt/Comfort, Institutional Captivity, LV Issues, M/M, Minor Medical Procedures, Needles, Non-Explicit Sex, Patient Edge, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Themes, Underswap Papyrus/Original Characters, Unethical medical practice, Workplace Sexual Harassment, implied alcoholism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-05-14 03:13:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicedragons/pseuds/alicedragons
Summary: Rus's work is... delicate. He wants to help his patients. He truly does. But at what point does being a doctor of LoVe-afflicted patients become unethical? How far is he willing to push his morals?Perhaps further than normal, depending on who he's pushing them for.





	1. Patient twenty-two

**Author's Note:**

> A 'secret medical facility/asylum/prison' AU. To be honest, I'm not really sure how to describe this fic. Essentially, Rus is a doctor, Edge is his patient, and things are a little fucked up.
> 
> In seriousness, I strongly advise reading the tags. This has some fairly heavy themes. If you find the concept of forced hospitalisation (or institutionalisation) upsetting, then this might not be the fic for you. But if you're a fan of Spicyhoney angst and eventual hurt/comfort, then you've come to the right place. Enjoy your stay!  
> (But seriously, read the warnings)

The facility was a good hour’s drive from the city, so Rus was grateful when the large concrete building finally emerged on the desert horizon. The sky was still red, the sun just peeking over the rocky mountains to the east. Dust swirled up around his car as he pulled to a stop at the tall metal gates. The fence that bordered the facility was at least ten feet high, with barbed wire curling over the top. Rus rolled down his window to greet the security guard stationed outside the gate. She put down her coffee mug and nodded at him. “New around here?” she asked as Rus handed over his ID card.

“i was just transferred from the training facility.”

She punched a few numbers into her computer and lifted a brow. “Doctor, huh? Good luck.”

“uh… thanks.”

“Give me your thumb, we just need to do a mana test to ID you.” She pricked Rus’s thumb, drawing a small bead of marrow, which she dripped onto a thin square of tissue. Rus waited, turning up the air conditioning in the car as her computer processed his mana. She gave a satisfied nod, shooting him a smile. “All clear. Have a good day, Doctor.”

The gates swung open with a groan and Rus drove into the facility. It was little more than a big block of concrete, the windows all barred. Rus parked in the area labelled ‘staff’ and climbed out. He pulled on his coat and crossed the parking lot to the entrance, his white sneakers quickly turning red with dust. The smell of baking dirt was already hot in the air.

The sign outside the lobby read ‘SANCTUARY FOR AFFLICTED MONSTERS’ in big black letters. Rus scanned his ID card and the doors slid open. The lobby was sharp with disinfectant—stronger than what he was accustomed to from the training ward, and it burned his nasal cavity. There was a lizard monster sitting at the reception desk, her horn-rimmed glasses balanced on her long nose. She didn’t look up when he approached, and he cleared his throat. “hi there. uh, i’m a new transfer. i was told i’d be starting on ward d?”

“ID card?” the woman said, her eyes still fixed on whatever she was writing. “And sign this timesheet for me, please.” She pushed a clipboard and pen across the counter. Rus scribbled his details onto the sheet, then fished his ID out of his pocket and handed it over. She scanned it and glanced at her computer screen. “Ward D. Down to your left at the end of the hall. Then make a right. You’ll need to check in with security there.”

“security?”

The woman looked up at him over the top of her glasses and smiled. “Extra precaution for the ones with higher LV.”

Rus swallowed, tucking his satchel under his arm. “right... of course. thank you.” He turned and walked down the hall, scanning his card again to get through a set of double doors. The air was cooler inside the ward, almost too cold, and the lights were stark white. Nurses and doctors passed him as he walked, pushing med carts and carrying clipboards. The curtains were drawn over every door, so Rus couldn’t see inside, but on the patient sheets outside was written their species and LV.

In the first hallway, there was nothing over three. But when Rus reached the next one, the numbers started to creep up. He passed an empty room with the door cracked open, and dared a glance inside. There were cuffs chained to the wall, which had scratch marks gouged into it.

When he reached the hallway pointing towards ward D, he came to a halt. The sign directed him towards a set of sealed metal doors with a keypad and various other electronic locks. Two guards were stationed outside. Well. The receptionist had mentioned security. They looked up as Rus approached. “ward d?” he asked, almost hoping they’d tell him he was in the wrong place. To no avail. They nodded and scanned his ID card again, then patted him down and checked his satchel. One of them clipped a small red button to his coat lapel.

“Any trouble and you press this, got it?” Rus nodded, swallowing thickly. They told him to collect extra tranquilisers from the storage cupboard inside. “Look for Sonya. She’ll sort you out.” They punched a series of digits into the keypad and the doors rumbled open. Rus walked through and they sealed shut behind him. The air suddenly felt a lot heavier.

This ward had a very different atmosphere to the others. The hallway was messy, med carts pushed haphazardly against the walls to make room for the nurses and doctors scurrying between rooms. Rus stepped aside quickly, narrowly avoiding a nurse who was dabbing at a dark ichor on her scrubs. For all the mess in the hallway, there were very few staff around. The eerie quiet was stirred by distant whimpering and a faint muttering Rus couldn’t make sense of. He realised it was coming from one of the rooms, and didn’t linger long enough to try and figure out what the strangled voice was saying.

More than anything, the air reeked of LV. Static prickles across Rus’s bones which made his mana tingle. It was heavy and oppressive, and Rus’s soul pulsed erratically. They’d attempted to emulate the effects of LV on the training ward, but it had been nothing like this. The highest LV patients they’d allowed them to work with in training had been five. It didn’t take a trained doctor to realise that the patients here were well beyond that.

Rus sagged with relief when he found the ward’s reception. The ward clerk was rummaging through a box of folders, her feathery green tail poking out from behind the desk. “sonya?” Rus asked. She turned around, assessing him with small black eyes.

“Ah, new guy, right?”

“rus.”

“Yep. Gimme a second.” She scanned the shelf behind her and pulled out a yellow file. “Okay, okay… we’ve got you starting on room twenty-two, but you’ll be covering at least four patients once we know you’re competent.” She lifted her wing in a sweeping gesture. “As you can tell, we’re a little understaffed.” She flipped over the page of her folder. “You’ll be with Jackie. I’ll go find her, wait here.” She hurried off down the hall, her tail feathers fluttering.

Curiously, Rus peered at the folder she’d left open on the desk. A patient was listed. ‘Patient twenty-two’. There was no name, only a small photo of a gaunt looking skeleton with dark sockets and red eye-lights, and a deep crack down one side of his face. The photograph was faded, and folding in at the corners. Underneath, it listed his details.

Patient twenty-two

Species: Skeleton

LV: 13

Rus’s chest seized and he stopped, rereading the number to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake. It glared back at him aggressively.

There was a crash behind him as one of the doors flew open. He spun sharply, pressing back into the desk. Three nurses were dragging a muzzled and chained wolf out of one of the rooms. The monster was snarling and struggling, saliva spilling from behind his muzzle, his yellow eyes bloodshot. “Give him another shot of tranq,” one of the nurses said, shockingly calm. Another nurse jabbed a needle into the wolf’s arm and he gradually went limp. They pulled him down the hall and through a set of double doors.

“You’ll get used to that.” Rus jumped, spinning to see Sonya returning with a nurse in tow. She was a rabbit monster, her long ears flattened beneath a medical cap. “This is Jackie. She’s been on patient twenty-two for the past few weeks.”

Jackie waved a soft grey paw. “Hiya.”

“We don’t like to switch our staff between patients too often on this ward,” Sonya said, sitting back in her chair and arranging the folders on her desk. “It can unsettle them. So you’ll just be with twenty-two for now, and then—”

“i’m sorry, but—” Rus cleared his throat as she looked down her beak at him. “i think there may have been some mistake.”

She crossed her arms. “Mistake?”

“i—i’m fresh from training, so i’m only meant to be working with patients under ten lv. this one is listed as thirteen.” He tapped the folder on her desk.

“Darling, this ward is ten and up only. Why do you think we have all this security?”

There was a sick feeling in Rus’s chest. “ward d?”

“D for danger,” Jackie muttered, receiving a sharp look from Sonya.

“Look,” Sonya sighed. “To tell you the truth, you were probably sent here because we’re understaffed. We need every extra set of hands we can get.” She frowned. “If you really want out, I can probably see if they can transfer you to a different ward. But we could really use another doctor here.”

Rus glanced around at the messy hallway. A tired nurse was leading a vacant looking monster into one of the rooms, guiding him gently. He thought of his training, why he’d taken this job… “i—” He shook his head. “no, no it’s alright.”

“Good. Jackie, show him to room twenty-two. Just a check-up, a few samples, same routine.” She handed Rus a copy of the patient’s medical transcript. “Enjoy.”

After depositing his bag in the break room and collecting a few needles of tranquiliser from storage, Rus followed Jackie through the hallway, reading over the patient’s medical sheet. “he’s on a very high dosage of suppressants,” he said, trying not to flinch when a shriek rang out from one of the rooms. Jackie kept walking, as if oblivious.

“Yep. He’s got high LV.”

“high enough for a max dosage?”

Jackie shrugged, hopping over a set of cuffs abandoned outside one of the rooms. “It’s the same with most of the monsters here. Once you get past ten LV it gets kinda hard to calculate how much they need. So docs just give them the max. Or thereabouts.”

Rus frowned, flipping over to the next page. “high risk of violent outbursts?”

Jackie laughed. “They write that on everyone’s sheet in this ward. Wait until you meet him.”

They came to a quieter end of the ward and stopped outside a door labelled ‘22’. The patient sheet on the door was the same as the one Rus had glimpsed in the clerk’s file. Jackie knocked firmly. “Hey twenty-two, it’s Jackie.” Her use of the number struck Rus unexpectedly, and he glanced at her, waiting for her to reveal it as a joke. She didn’t. He followed her inside after she scanned her ID card.

The room was plain, white walls, white sheets on the bed. No cuffs on the wall, but the bolts remained. There was a bookshelf tucked in the far corner beside the window, though the collection was sparse.

The patient was sitting in a shabby green armchair in front of the window, with a book in his lap. He was wearing the same white and grey striped jumpsuit Rus had seen on the other patients, though it looked too loose on his bony frame. The shadow of the bars crossed his gaunt face as he looked up. In the photograph he’d looked fierce, but here he was almost vacant, his bright eyes dim and washed out, his bone discoloured. His gaze wandered over Rus briefly before he returned to his book.

“hello,” Rus said, approaching cautiously. “my name is rus. i’ve been assigned to you, so i’ll be your doctor from now, if things go well.” Jackie wheeled in the med cart and Rus glanced at his patient’s sheet. “we’re just going to start by doing a routine check-up. is that okay?”

The patient glanced at him, his mouth twitching with faint amusement. “If I have a choice, then no.”

Rus swallowed and looked uneasily at Jackie, who rolled her eyes. “Well, you don’t. Come on, twenty-two, he only just finished his training. It’s his first day. Go easy.” Rus almost wanted to point out that telling a patient it was his first day probably wasn’t encouraging—especially a potentially unstable patient. But the patient—twenty-two—only smirked.

“First day, huh? I thought you looked a little young to be a doctor.”

Rus smiled pleasantly, pulling on his gloves. “i’m not.” Jackie handed him a mouth mirror and he crouched in front of the—in front of patient twenty-two. Mana rushed through his ear canals but he breathed evenly. “open up, please.”

“We’ve only just met,” twenty-two said, but he followed the instruction. Rus surveyed the inside of his mouth.

“teeth slightly discoloured.” Jackie scribbled on her clipboard. “magic inside the mouth is faded, but otherwise normal.” He withdrew, placing the mirror on the tray. “thank you,” he said, smiling at twenty-two, who didn’t return it. He took his temperature next and told Jackie the reading. “high above average, but normal for his lv. i’m going to do a swab of your mouth now,” he told twenty-two, taking a cotton tip from Jackie. The patient kept his mouth open, sitting still. The swab came away a translucent red, the colour of his magic. “now we’re going to take a blood sample. is that okay?”

Twenty-two’s gaze was deadpan as he offered Rus his arm. There was an array of small puncture wounds in the bone, some shallow and mostly healed, others deep. Jackie handed Rus a needle and he felt his way over the bone until he found a hum of mana. The bone made a faint crack as he punctured it with the tip of the needle.

As a skeleton monster, Rus had never liked needles. Administering them to fleshy monsters was easier. Scales could be tricky, but bone was the worst, from personal experience. But patient twenty-two didn’t flinch, only watched Rus impassively. Rus extracted a small vial of mana and detached it from the needle. “healing balm?” he said to Jackie, reaching out.

“We don’t have any.”

Rus looked up and frowned. “can you find some?”

She shrugged. “We don’t stock it in this ward.”

Rus stared at her. “then what do you use?”

“Nothing. LV usually heals them on its own.”

“that’s only if it’s freshly gained,” Rus said, a touch irritated.

“Well, if you bring me someone who’s been misbehaving, I’m sure we can work on getting this pinprick healed,” twenty-two said with a smile.

Rus ignored him. “antiseptic then,” he said to Jackie. She dabbed a cotton ball in it and handed it to Rus, who wiped it carefully over the fresh puncture wound in the patient’s radius. “aloe vera?” Jackie gave him a dubious look but handed over the tub. It looked new. Or at least, unused. Rus dabbed a small dollop onto the patient’s arm. “okay, we’re going to look at your soul now—”

Jackie tapped his shoulder, shaking her head. “Uh, uh. We don’t do that here.” He frowned, but the look she was giving him was firm. Rus glanced at twenty-two, who still looked vaguely amused. “Too risky,” Jackie murmured, as if trying to keep it a secret from the patient.

Rus hesitated before nodding. “okay then, if that’s the case, your physical check-up for the morning is all done.”

Twenty-two dipped his head. “Pleasure doing business with you, doc.”

Rus glanced over his sheet. “before we finish up, just a few routine questions. please answer them as honestly as you can. have you been feeling drowsy recently?”

“Define recently.”

“last three weeks.”

“Yes. Though no more or less than I have these past ten years.”

Rus heard Jackie sighing loudly, but he pressed on, jotting down the patient’s answer. “headaches?”

“Yes.”

“how bad? one to ten.”

“It varies.” He tipped his hand in a vague gesture. “Fluctuates between a four and a nine.”

“right now?”

He shrugged. “A five.”

“and have you been given anything to remedy your pain?”

Patient twenty-two’s laugh was humourless. “No.” Rus scribbled down ‘pain medication req.’ on his sheet.

“any other sort of pain you’re experiencing? cramps or aches?”

“Yes.”

“can you elaborate?”

The patient leaned back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap. “My whole body feels like it’s been wrung out through a vacuum.” He considered. “Or crushed in a hydraulic press. Take your pick.” Nodding, Rus circled ‘pain medication’ three times.

“okay, that’s all. thank you—” He scrambled for a name, then swallowed and fell silent, handing the clipboard back to Jackie. “i’m going to reduce your suppressant dosage. i’ll have to process the request, but my decision should outrank theirs.”

“Doctor, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Jackie muttered.

“it’s too high,” Rus said. “he’s experiencing symptoms of an overdose. his lv is probably all that’s fighting off the more serious consequences.”

Jackie tugged on his arm, coaxing him to lean down. “No offence Doctor, but you do realise he’s probably lying about his symptoms, right?” She glanced over Rus’s shoulder. “They always do it.”

Rus stared at her in disbelief. “we have to give our patients the benefit of the doubt.”

“I dunno, doc…”

“it’s my call,” he said firmly. “he’s my patient. bring him down to forty milligrams.”

Jackie sighed, scribbling it on his sheet. “Alright, your call.”

Patient twenty-two was watching Rus, the corner of his mouth turned up. “You aren’t worried I’m going to go on a rampage and kill everyone, doctor?”

“i’m not,” Rus said flatly, and the patient smirked. Rus scribbled a few more notes on his clipboard before tucking it under his arm. “press the button if you need anything. i’m sure you know the drill.”

“Too well. I don’t suppose you could swing me some better food, doc?”

Rus studied him before following Jackie through the door. “i’ll see you this evening.”

 

By evening, Rus was caught between exhaustion and adrenaline overdose. The day had followed a routine of check-ups and sample examinations. Every minute he spent in the same room as a patient was like electricity through his mana. He idly wondered if being in the presence of so much LV was bad for his health.

When he scanned his card and entered room twenty-two at the end of the day, the patient was sitting in the same spot by the window, this time watching the sun dip below the horizon. The sky was painted red and pink, wisps of cloud glowing the same colour as twenty-two’s eyes. “jackie has gone home for the evening so you just have me now,” Rus said.

Patient twenty-two turned around slowly and smiled. “Doctor. Come to watch the sunset with me?”

Rus pulled his gloves on, glancing out the window. “it’s nice. how are you feeling? any better?” Twenty-two turned away from the window and watched Rus without a word. “i’m going to administer your medication. do you want it with your food? or do you prefer to swallow?”

Twenty-two grinned. “A bit soon to be asking me that, doc. We haven’t even been on our first date.”

Rus’s cheekbones warmed and he dropped his gaze to the bowl of soup on the tray. “i’ll grind it into your food.”

“Actually, I’ll swallow, thank you. I prefer being able to see what’s going into my body—innuendo not intended.” Rus resisted the urge to roll his eyes—until he had his back turned, that was. He poured twenty-two a cup of water from the sink and watched him swallow the pills. Magic suffused the joints of his neck, hot red like the sky outside.

Suddenly, he reached out and grabbed hold of Rus’s wrists. Rus tried to step back on instinct but twenty-two’s hold was firm. He was grinning and Rus’s soul leapt into his throat. He was too stunned even to scream. “You know doc, you really shouldn’t have come in here by yourself.” Rus squirmed, trying to reach for the panic button on his collar, but the patient’s grip was like concrete.

“let me go,” he hissed.

“I could snap your neck before you even had the chance to scream for help,” twenty-two said, gazing at him. “It would be easy. Too easy.”

“don’t—”

“And your HP is so fragile, you’d barely put a dent in my EXP. I wonder if I could clean up your dust before they grew suspicious. Maybe.”

Rus could feel tears burning in the backs of his sockets, panic bubbling in his chest. “don’t,” he whispered. “please—”

Twenty-two let him go. He laughed as Rus staggered back, putting the medical cart between himself and the patient, for all the good it would do. “I won’t.” Calmly, twenty-two got up from his chair and picked up his tray from the cart. Rus stood stock still, watching him until he sat down. “Cold,” he said, sipping on a spoonful of soup. “I suppose it could be worse, though.” He glanced at Rus and smiled. “I would never hurt you, doctor. I don’t want to.” Putting the spoon aside, he tipped the bowl back and drained it. “I can’t say the same for everyone else here.” He dabbed his mouth with a napkin. “Don’t take stupid risks. Never go into a room alone. You’re lucky it was me.”

Rus’s breaths were still coming in soft, sharp pants. Magic prickled at his fingertips, and he tracked the patient’s every movement, flinching when he laughed. “You know, you’re not very good at hiding your fear.”

Rus swallowed, steeling himself and taking a step closer. “what’s your name?”

For a second, the patient’s smile faltered. “My name?”

“well it isn’t twenty-two. i’m not calling you that. i want to know your real name.”

The patient leaned back, crossing his arms. “I don’t think you’ve earned it.” He spoke lightly, but there was a warning in his eyes.

“and how do i earn it?” Rus pressed, daring another step forward. He stopped when the patient cast him a dark look, all traces of amusement gone.

“You don’t. It’s mine.” His voice was low, dangerous. Rus’s courage waned, and he took a step back.

“i’m sorry—”

“You know how you can earn it? By getting me out of this fucking place. Think you can manage that?”

Rus shook his head, a tremble running through his bones. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry, i wasn’t trying to—”

“You can go, doctor. I’m sure you have work to do.” Twenty-two returned to his food tray, picking at the bowl of nuts and dried fruit. Rus backed away to the door, tugging the med cart along with him. He scanned his keycard and hurried out of the room, locking the door behind him. The ‘22’ printed on the door glared back at him.


	2. Evening Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There isn’t much that can rattle Rus. But patient twenty-two, it seems, is an exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning: this chapter has a short, non-explicit sex scene between Rus and an original character. If that's not your thing, you can skip the section starting "Even at night, Rus could see the desert dust swirling through the city streets" and ending with ***. (It's completely consensual, but I figure some people might be here solely for the Spicyhoney).

Rus pulled on his gloves, locking the door behind him once Jackie had wheeled the med cart into the patient’s room. The old turtle looked up from his bed, squinting through milky green eyes. “Ah, my handsome doctor. Good morning, sweetheart.” His voice was brittle and croaky, and he gave Rus a toothless smile. Though his LV was above ten, Rus found it difficult to see him as a threat. He could barely stand on his own.

“hello, gerson” he said, returning his smile. “sleep well?” Jackie eyed him but said nothing, taking a pair of disposable gloves out of the box.

“Ahhh…” Gerson waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “They won’t let me play my music past ten. Hard to get any sleep without my music.”

“maybe i can talk to them,” Rus said.

“Forty-six,” Jackie sighed. “You know there are other people on the ward trying to sleep too.” He grumbled as she helped him off the bed.

“Gerson! My name ain’t forty-six, and you know it.” He pointed a crooked finger at Rus. “He knows it. The nice doctor knows it. Besides, if they don’t like my music, get them earplugs! Open the curtains for me, will you, boy? I don’t like living in a cave.” He tapped the shell on his back. “I have my own.”

Rus pulled open the curtains and red morning light spilled into the room. He could see the rocky mountains in the distance, black shadows on the horizon. “Step onto the scale for me here,” Jackie said, pulling it off the bottom shelf of the cart. She let Gerson lean on her for a few seconds before letting go, and Rus quickly recorded his vitals before helping him off.

“You know, doctor,” Gerson said, leaning on Rus as he guided him back to his bed. “When I was your age, I was as handsome as they come. Lots of ladies and gents knocking on my door, let me tell you. You must know all about it.” Jackie was rolling her eyes, but Rus laughed.

“less than i’d like, i’m afraid. open your mouth for me, please.” He took a swab of Gerson’s mouth and Jackie bagged the sample. “ready for your meds?” He helped Gerson onto the bed and he lay back, closing his eyes. “gerson?”

“Can I sleep now?” Gerson opened his eyes. They were unfocused, his expression vacant. “That’s all I get to do here, you know. Sleep.”

Rus nodded, moving his pillow under his head. “you can sleep.” Jackie ground his pills into a cup of water and Rus helped tip it down Gerson’s throat. He switched on the old radio before leaving the room, and soft piano drifted through the speakers.

Rus took a deep breath after shutting the door, swallowing thickly. He brushed the wet away from the corners of his sockets. “Hey.” Jackie patted his arm. “You shouldn’t get attached to anyone here, you know.”

“i know,” Rus said faintly. “who do we have next?” He flipped over the sheet on his clipboard and his chest jolted. Room twenty-two. “right. let’s get this over with then.”

When they opened the door to room twenty-two, the patient was sitting in his armchair next to the window with a book in his lap, as he always was. He turned around and cracked a smile, his red eyes simmering. “You smell nice, doctor,” he said, breathing in deeply. “Date tonight?”

Rus smiles wryly. “just you.”

“Lucky me,” twenty-two said with a chuckle. He allowed Rus to administer his tests and medication without complaint. After drawing a vial of magic from his arm, Rus checked the sample.

“the consistency is improving,” he told Jackie. “just at a glance. how long has he been on the new dosage now? two weeks?” Jackie nodded. “that’s good progress.” Rus made a few notes on twenty-two’s sheet. “how have your headaches been?”

“As headaches are. Painful.” A smile flickered across twenty-two’s face when Rus gave him a dull look. “A little less painful than they were, I suppose. But perhaps I’m imagining it.”

“have you been sleeping okay?”

“I’ve never been very good at that. Mostly I read and try not to dream.” Rus glanced at Jackie, frowning. She offered him a shrug, folding her arms. Rus cleared his throat.

“you have nightmares?”

Twenty-two’s smile was distant and lacking in its usual humour. “I’ve been here for almost ten years, doctor. I think you should be more concerned if I wasn’t having nightmares.” Rus’s soul shrivelled and his shoulders suddenly felt very heavy.

“okay… we can prescribe you ginger root, or—”

“No, thank you.”

“no?”

“I don’t think my problem is that I’m not getting the right medication, doctor.” At Rus’s silence, he grinned. “But by all means, if you’re dishing out free prescriptions, perhaps you’ll prescribe me someone to keep my bed warm. It gets very lonely here.”

“Alright, bud, I’m going to get you your lunch,” Jackie said. “Make sure he doesn’t get too lonely, doc.” Rus almost wanted to ask her to stay, still fearful of being alone with twenty-two. Better not to tip him off to the fact though.

He remained a safe distance from the bed while Jackie was gone, hovering by the door. Twenty-two watched him from his chair, his eyes never straying. “You can come closer, you know. I don’t bite without consent.” Rus peeled off his gloves and tossed them in the waste bag. He didn’t humour the quip. “So are you seeing anyone, doc?” Rus sighed and gave him a flat look. “Not asking for myself,” twenty-two said with a smile. “Just making conversation. There isn’t much else to do around here.”

Rus rolled his eyes. “no. this job doesn’t give me time for life.” Twenty-two laughed. “that’s funny?”

“It’s ironic. All I have is time. But no life.” Rus stared at him, and through his smile he could see that glimpse of what he saw in every patient here… defeat.

The door eased open and Jackie returned with twenty-two’s lunch—a bowl of porridge with a side of chopped carrots. Twenty-two looked at it dismally but accepted the tray. Rus watched him nibble on the carrot sticks as Jackie wheeled the med cart back out. “do we have any other food here? something a little more palatable? like chocolate?”

She shrugged. “That’s what’s on the menu. We don’t keep chocolate.” She locked the door and pushed the med cart away. Rus could see twenty-two’s silhouette through the curtain. He put the tray aside and returned to his book. Sighing, Rus returned to the break room and found his satchel. He dug out the chocolate bar he’d been saving for lunch and returned to twenty-two’s room. Twenty-two glanced up when he opened the door, lifting a brow bone.

“Couldn’t stay away?”

Rus slipped the chocolate bar from his pocket and placed it on twenty-two’s tray before quickly backing away. “don’t tell anyone, i might get in trouble.”

Twenty-two picked up the bar, slowly turning it over. “I’ve never liked chocolate.”

“well then i’ll take it back.”

He clutched the bar to his chest. “No.” He smirked. “Thank you, doctor.” Rus nodded stiffly before unlocking the door. Twenty-two peeled back the purple wrapper and glanced up. “You know, if you keep pulling stuff like this, I might start thinking you have a soft spot for me.”

Rus only spared him a second’s glance before locking the door behind him. He thought he could hear laughter on the other side.

***

After a hurried microwave dinner, Rus lay back on his bed, still in his work clothes. His apartment was on the seventh floor, and he could see right over the twinkling lights of the cityscape to the desert. The sun had set, and the sky was deep purple.

It was seldom that Rus left the house for a non-work related reason. At this point, he’d normally go straight to bed in the hopes of catching a few hours before he had to wake up for work again, despite the early hour. But tonight, he found himself scrolling through his contacts in search of a number he hadn’t called in months.

It only rang once before the recipient picked up. “hey hal… it’s rus. don’t suppose you’d like to catch up tonight?”

Sex had always been something of an occasion for Rus. Something he needed, from time to time, but not something he often had the opportunity to indulge in. Certainly not as often as he’d like. He had a few contacts he’d call upon when in need. Tonight, it seemed, was one of those nights.

Hal was one of the longest enduring casual relationships he’d had. Rus would even go so far as to call him a friend, though they hadn’t seen each other in months. Come to think of it, Rus couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept with anyone. Not since before his training started, certainly. So yes. This was much needed.

They agreed upon a bar in the food district, not a ten-minute drive from Rus’s place. It was happening at his, then. He ordered water and sat at the bar to wait. He’d changed out of his work clothes and damn if it didn’t feel good to wear jeans. Even on the weekends, he was more of a stay-at-home-in-sweatpants kind of guy.

It was a nice quiet Tuesday night, though in a city this small, the bars seldom filled up. There was a small group of elderly monsters playing cards in a booth, and a few having dinner at the tables. Rus was alone at the bar.

The air had a pleasant woody smell to it, accompanied by the ever-present undertone of desert dust. “Sure I can’t get you anything else, love?” The bartender asked, glancing over her shoulder from the sink. Rus shook his head.

“just waiting for a friend, thanks.” He startled when someone wrapped their arms around him from behind.

“Friend, huh? Well consider me flattered, darlin’.”

Rus sagged with relief, twisting around. “hal.”

Hal grinned, his leathery skin stretching around his snout. “Good ta see ya, Rus. Man, it’s been too long, hasn’t it?” He slid into the seat beside Rus, tipping his horned head at the bartender. “Two whiskeys, neat.”

“oh, i’m not drinking,” Rus said. “early shift tomorrow, and i drove here.”

Hal lifted a brow, his ear twitching. “So yer still doin’ the doctor thing, huh?”

“yep. still doing the doctor thing.”

Hal took a sip of his whiskey, rolling his thick shoulders. “Well if you ain’t drunk, how am I supposed ta get ya into bed!” He laughed raucously, patting Rus’s shoulder when he gave him a bemused smile. “Oh, lighten up! I’m just kiddin’. Y’know, yer not who I was expectin’ ta hear from tonight. It’s been a while.”

Rus grimaced, picking at the woodwork on the bar. “yeah, you know… work is busy.”

“So how’s the whole doctoring thing going fer ya?”

“it’s… interesting.” Rus’s work at the facility was strictly classified, so he went with the admin-prescribed cover. “i’m working with terminally ill patients.”

Hal’s brown eyes went wide. “Shit, that’s gotta he rough.”

Rus took a sip of his water, suddenly wishing it was alcohol. “yeah. so uh, how about you? how’s the construction project?”

“Ah, same old. It pays the bills. Usually.”

Rus swallowed. “and how is your mother? any better?”

Hal’s grin faltered. “Ah… actually, we lost her a few months back.”

“oh… hal.” Rus squeezed his arm, leaning in instinctively. “i’m so sorry.” He let Hal draw him into a hug, patting his back.

“Aw, s’alright. We’ve had time to mourn, y’know.”

“i had no idea. you could have called me, or—“

“Well you were busy, weren’t ya? Always trainin’, always workin’. It’s hard ta catch ya, Rus.” He smiled though, squeezing Rus’s shoulders. “I get it. Work’s important. An’ this was never meant to be more th’n casual anyway, right?”

“i’m sorry… i wish i could be around more often. i still think of you as a friend.” One of his only friends, come to think of it. He’d lost touch with most of the others over the past year.

Hal chuckled. “Even though all we do is fuck?” There was a glint in his eyes, his pupils dilating.

Rus turned his face away, hiding a smile in his drink. “come on, we do more than that.”

“Yeah?” Hal leaned in, and Rus could smell the faint hint of whiskey on his breath. “Like what?”

“like…” Rus cleared his throat, self-conscious of the eyes on them, few as they were. “like friend things.”

Hal chuckled. “We headin’ back to yours?” He guided Rus’s hand between his legs, where Rus felt growing hardness. “‘Cause if we are, now would be the time. Or we might have to find a comfy spot in the bathroom.”

Rus snatched his hand away and gave Hal’s pierced ear a flick. He slid off his stool and picked up his bag. “yeah we’re heading back to mine, come on.”

 

Even at night, Rus could see the desert dust swirling through the city streets. During the day, the sky had an orange haze to it, washing out the blue. And whenever he left the curtains open before leaving for work, his apartment was stuffy by evening. He’d turned the air conditioning on the moment he’d arrived home, but it was still hot.

He could feel a trickle of sweat running down the back of his neck. He reached up to wipe his forehead, gasping in Hal’s arms. The bed springs creaked beneath them as Hal moved his hips. “i’m close, hal,” Rus groaned. “oh—fuck, i’m so close.” A coil of pressure built slowly inside him and he dug his fingers into Hal’s biceps.

“Fuck yeah, yer gonna make me come, baby. You want it inside ya?” Hal groaned, nuzzling Rus’s neck.

“yes—yes, inside me.” Rus squeezed his legs around Hal’s waist, drawing him deep. Outside, he heard the horn of a car, and the faraway cry of an eagle. An image popped into his head, an image of red eyes, a deep scar, a complacent smirk—

Rus’s pleasure stuttered and faded, just as Hal grunted and warmth trickled down his thighs. He gasped and gripped tight onto Hal, trying to banish that image, _that voice,_ deep and rich— _stars, why now?!_

Hal rolled off him and he stayed glued on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Mmm…” Hal leaned over and kissed his skull. “Fuck, I’ve missed you. You got yers, right?” Rus nodded mutely, swallowing. Hal chuckled. “Yer lookin’ a little shaken up. I rock yer world that hard?”

“you…” Rus finally broke out of his daze and sat up. “don’t flatter yourself.”

Hal grinned. “Oh I will. Mind if I use yer shower?” Rus nodded and Hal disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Rus to try and fathom how he’d let patient twenty-two get so deep into his head.

***

“How did your date go, doctor?” Twenty-two smirked, eyeing Rus from his armchair.

“what makes you think i had a date?” Rus asked blandly, pulling on his gloves.

“You’re not walking straight. That means it went well, I take it?”

Rus froze for a split second, heat creeping into his cheekbones. He quickly recovered, taking the needle from Jackie (and pointedly ignoring her smirk). “can i have your arm, please?” he said, and twenty-two complied. He allowed Rus to test his vitals and take a few samples without complaint, but not once did his smirk falter. 

“Forgive me, doctor,” he said as Rus and Jackie packed away their supplies. “Things are very boring around here, and I’ve read the books on my shelf so many times already I could recite them to you.” He grinned. “Anything for a good story.”

Rus peeled off his gloves and tossed them in the waste bag. “well i’m afraid i have none for you.”

“Pity,” twenty-two said, his red eyes glowing. “I’m sure you have plenty of interesting secrets that would make for very entertaining stories.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter, but I figured it was good fun anyway. ^_^ The next one will be a little more plot-driven, and it should be out within a couple of days. Rejoice!


	3. No need for paperwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you'd asked Rus a week ago what he expected to be doing next Friday night... it most certainly would not be this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dehumanisation tag is especially relevant this chapter, so please keep that in mind.

Rus ate alone during lunch. He’d always been the sociable type, but here, he’d been having a little difficulty making ‘friends’. The break room was usually quiet anyway. Breaks were short and few during the day, and people seldom spoke to each other. Or to Rus, at least.

Today, the doctor on the table next to Rus was having a very loud conversation with his colleagues. Rus eyed him; thick mane and golden fur, his canines glistened as if they’d been whitened. His tail swished animatedly behind him as he spoke, his rumbling voice carrying through the room. Rus was about to stuff his earbuds in when he caught something.

“... oh and have you heard about all the security stuff they’re planning for ward D? I’m good mates with the head of security—good mates—he told me they’re gonna be changing policies there to make it more… well, you know what the patients are like in there.” He cut a chunk off the steak on his plate and shovelled it into his mouth.

“What kind of changesss?” asked the nurse sitting next to him, her forked tongue flicking. 

“Hm, well—” The lion held up a claw and finished chewing. “More tranquiliser, chaining ‘em up when they’re giving them their meds. Apparently there’ve been a few too many incidents.”

Rus swallowed, stirring his yoghurt around its tub. “um—” He cleared his throat, leaning over. “excuse me, did you say ward d?”

The lion twisted around in his seat, his green eyes widening when he saw Rus. “That’s right.” He tilted his head. “You new around here?”

“i was transferred from training a few weeks ago—i work in ward d.”

He lifted a brow. “Really?” He glanced at his colleagues before scooting his chair closer to Rus and leaning in. “You know, I’m pretty close with the head of admin. I could probably get you transferred to a different ward, if you like. Gotta be rough for a trainee starting in ward D.” Rus opened his mouth to remark that he was not a trainee, thank you, and he did not need to be transferred—but the lion kept speaking. “I work in research. It’s pretty comfy. No one above five LV, and we mostly just handle samples.” He held out his paw, flashing a grin. “Boris, by the way.”

Rus slowly shook his hand. “rus… and uh, that’s okay, thanks. but—what do you know about the changes?”

Boris glanced over his shoulder, then dipped his head, moving closer. His eyes were gleaming, thrilled to share the information only he was privy to. “Well, I’m not really meant to say, but I’ve heard it’s ‘cause they wanna increase experimentation. You know, looking for cures and stuff—that’s my area.”

Rus’s mana ran cold. “experimentation… don’t you mean research?”

Boris tilted his hand, shrugging. “Eh, same thing. They gotta get more samples from the ones with high LV. Problem is, most of ‘em don’t like it. React badly to needles and shit—you’d know, working in ward D. So they wanna keep ‘em more sedated.” Boris grinned and Rus’s soul churned. He was tempted to remark that none of his patients had ever resisted giving samples. Not much, anyway. “We’re getting more pressure from the city council to find a cure. Means more work for me but I don’t mind. Makes it all a bit more exciting, don’t you think?”

“not really the word i’d use,” Rus muttered, but Boris didn’t seem to hear him.

“Yeah, I reckon it’s gonna help us out a lot. You done much research since starting here?”

Rus nodded. Part of his job was analysing the samples he took from patients; scanning the mana for traces of LV, trying to see what effect the suppressants had. But once the mana was out of their bodies, it was all but indistinguishable from the mana of monsters with no LV. Which meant that LV was linked to the soul, making it inseparable from the monsters themselves. Rus had always taken it as a dead end, but clearly they were taking their… ‘research’ to the next level.

“so, this… experimentation…” Rus swallowed. “how will it even get through? i don’t think the patients will be very willing to sign consent forms—”

Boris’s laughter was booming. “Consent forms?” He clapped Rus on the shoulder. “You’re cute, new guy.” He glanced at the others. “Isn’t he cute?” He leaned in again. “Sweetheart, we’re doing them a favour here. Do you know how much money is being put into this? How many resources? The least they could give us in return is a little gratitude. Once we’ve figured it all out, they might even be rehabilitated. If any of them have any issues with this—” He chuckled. “Well, I know what I’d do with them if I was running this place.” He gave Rus a long look, as if expecting him to ask. When Rus said nothing, he stretched and stood up. “Keep an eye on your email. You’ll probably be hearing all about it soon.”

Sure enough, within the week, the whole place was buzzing with talk of the new changes. There seemed to be mixed opinions on it—though the responses from the staff were largely positive, from the talk Rus had overheard.

“I know it’s not exactly gonna be comfortable,” Jackie had said when Rus had asked her about it. “But once we’re past the transition stage I reckon it’s going to make things run a lot smoother around here. Don’t you think?”

Rus had mumbled his disagreement. He was the minority, it seemed, but not entirely alone. He’d overheard snatches of conversations from some of the other nurses and doctors.

“—not exactly right, is it?”

“—don’t think I’m going to be sticking around here if this is the way things are going—”

“I mean, it’s awful, kind of cruel, but I guess it’s just the way things are with these creatures.”

Most seemed willing to accept it, if grudgingly.

More than a few patients were displeased about the changes. There were far more incidences of violent outbursts in the ward that week. When passing a group of nurses leaving a patient’s room one evening, Rus caught sight of a full tray of used tranquiliser needles on their med cart. “And they wonder why we’re putting these new policies in place,” one of them muttered, wiping his hands off on his pants.

The job of informing the patients of the changes was left to their respective doctors, though by the end of the week, most had already received the news through gossip. None of Rus’s patients took the information with grace, not that he expected any less.

For some reason, he left twenty-two for last. He didn’t try to justify the decision to himself, but something inside him squirmed with dread every time he thought about doing it. Thursday was the deadline, and when evening came, he couldn’t put it off any longer. He added the jelly cup from his lunch box to twenty-two’s dinner tray, ignoring Jackie’s raised eyebrow. “can you wait outside?” he asked when they reached twenty-two’s door.

“Uh… I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, doc.” Jackie eyed the door dubiously. “You know this probably isn’t going to go well, right?”

“it’s okay.” Rus tapped his collar with his fingertip. “i have my panic button. if i’m not out in five, come and get me. but—i don’t think he’ll hurt me.”

Jackie sighed, shrugging. “Alright. Just don’t die, please. The paperwork for that is horrendous.”

On a normal day, Rus might have humoured her with an eye roll. But today, he lacked the energy. He opened the door and walked in with lead feet. Twenty-two was sitting at the windowsill. The book in his lap was closed, his gaze trained on the streaks of blood in the sky. “hey,” Rus said, wheeling in his cart. “i brought you something extra for dinner.” He placed the tray next to the bed, but twenty-two didn’t look up. “i don’t know if you like raspberry, but i figured anything would be better than the usual.”

Twenty-two turned to look at him and Rus had to refrain from shrinking away. His red eye-lights were pinpricks, almost consumed by the black depths of his sockets. On the arms of his chair, his hands were fists. “Just tell me, doctor,” he said. “Read the new policies to me. I know that’s why you’re here. You’ve put it off long enough so let’s just get it over with.”

Rus swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He took the letter out of his pocket and unfolded it for what felt like the hundredth time that week. “well, the first change is—”

“No, no.” Twenty-two was shaking his head. “Read it as is. Read the exact words it says on the page.”

Rus took a shaky breath. “i don’t know if…”

“Read it.”

His tone left no room for argument. Closing his eyes briefly, Rus looked down at the page. “dear patient, as of the fourteenth of this month, several new policies will be put into place. these are to ensure the safety of both staff and—and patients.”

Twenty-two waved his hand. “Go on.”

“cuffs will be installed in all rooms for patients above ten lv. when medication is administered or samples taken, patients will be cuffed and—and if necessary… muzzled.” Rus broke off sharply, barely getting the last word out.

Twenty-two was looking out the window again, resting his chin on his palm. His gaze was distant. “Keep reading.”

“patients with lv above twelve will have their suppressant dosage increased to the maximum, no exceptions. all patients will be issued an ankle tag which they must wear at all times. this will monitor their magic use. those who exceed a set threshold will lose their meal p-privileges for the rest of the day. those who break this boundary twice will lose meal privileges for two days, and so on.” Rus stopped at the next one, his words choking off suddenly.

“I believe there’s more, doctor,” twenty-two said, his voice deceptively soft. Rus’s hands trembled around the sheet of paper. His sockets burned.

“in order to assist with furthering the research of this facility, patients may be required to give additional samples, as well as undergo certain—e-experiments.” Rus pressed a hand over his mouth, sucking in a sharp breath.

Twenty-two nodded, his mouth twisted into a grimace. “That should be interesting, shouldn’t it?” he said in a raspy voice.

“i’m sorry,” Rus whispered, for all the good an apology would do. He folded the sheet again, stepping towards twenty-two.

“Don’t put that away just yet, I believe there’s more. Am I wrong?”

Grimacing, Rus unfolded it again, and read the last paragraph. “all policies will be strictly enforced. breaking them will result in consequences for both patient and carer. these changes are in the best interest of everyone, and cooperation is crucial to the smooth and safe running of this facility.” Rus shut his eyes, a sick burning in his soul. “patients are advised that these changes are for their benefit, and—” He grit his teeth. “i can’t—i can’t read this—”

“You’re my doctor. I believe you have a responsibility to inform me of any policy changes the facility will be making.” Twenty-two leaned back in his chair, folding his arms. “Well?”

Rus closed his eyes, stewing in hatred. Not directed at twenty-two, but right now, he was the most immediate target. His jaw clenched, he read the final line of the letter. “patients are advised that these changes are for their benefit, and that not adhering to them would be—” He swallowed, breathing out. “would be an act of both disrespect and ingratitude.” His voice broke off and he stuffed the letter back into his pocket. There was a burning in his soul. His fists were shaking at his sides.

Twenty-two had turned back to the window, his face hidden. “Thank you, doctor. Is that all?”

Rus reached for his shoulder. “please don’t—”

“I’d like to be alone, if that’s still permitted.”

Rus shut his eyes and exhaled. “i’m sorry,” he said in a brittle voice, pushing the med cart back out. Jackie was waiting for him in the hallway. Her long ears sagged when she saw his face, and she sighed.

“Hey.” She patted his arm. “I told you, you shouldn’t get attached.”

“he’s—” Rus caught his breath, closing his eyes. “they’re my patients. it’s my job to care about their wellbeing.”

“It’s for the best.”

“it’s barbaric,” Rus hissed.

“You knew what this job was when you came here, didn’t you?” She leaned in, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s our instinct to care, but these guys aren’t actually our patients. They’re our subjects.” She frowned, meeting Rus’s eye. “Why did you come here?”

Rus looked down at his shaking hands. Two nurses passed them, one laughing loudly at something the other one had said. Rus squeezed his hands into fists, staring after them with his teeth gritted. “i wanted to help them.”

“And you will,” Jackie said firmly. “When we find a cure for their affliction, we’ll know it was because of our work.”

Rus shook his head, whispering, “what if we’re making a mistake?”

***

The policies wouldn’t be effective for another week, but the following day, signs of their arrival were already starting to pop up all over the ward. Sonya told him they were getting in an extra large shipment of tranquiliser that afternoon. They had already started strapping muzzles to the med carts. And in almost every room Rus walked past, they were installing chains and cuffs to the walls. Half-sedated patients were being escorted between rooms throughout the ward. Rus did his best not to look at their muzzled faces.

He’d been putting off twenty-two’s evening checkup. He was meant to be informing him that he would be transferred to a different room later tonight so that cuffs could be installed in his room over the weekend. Sonya had given him the transfer papers this morning, and they’d been burning a hole in his pocket all day.

It was growing dark by the time he and Jackie started finishing up. “shit… twenty-two,” Rus said, glancing at his schedule. “go home,” he told Jackie. “i’ll take care of it. i just need to give him his dinner and prep him for the transfer. i can handle it.” She seemed relieved at the early dismissal. The day had been spent transferring patients between rooms. A lot of tranquiliser had been involved and Rus didn’t care to linger on the details.

He scanned his card at room twenty-two and pushed the med cart through the door. “dinner,” he announced, kicking the door shut behind him. “i put it in the microwave so it should be warm.” He picked up the tray and glanced around, but twenty-two wasn’t in his armchair, or his bed…

Rus gasped, dropping the tray with a loud clatter as something cold and sharp touched his throat. He could feel the press of twenty-two’s body behind him, and his arm was tight across Rus’s throat. Before Rus could react, he ripped the panic button off his collar and tossed it across the room. “Don’t even think about screaming.”

Rus’s head pounded, a million thoughts rushing through his mind, at least half of them involving the needle pressed to his throat. “if—” he broke off, straining to keep his voice level. “if this is another one of your games—”

“It’s not a fucking game!” No. No, it definitely wasn’t. The needle pressed harder and Rus shut his eyes, breathing a silent prayer. “I can’t stay here anymore. I’m sorry, doc, but this is my only way out.”

“just—just think about what you’re doing,” Rus whispered, his air almost choked off by twenty-two’s hold. “this isn’t who you are—”

“Don’t try, doctor. I’ve been in this place since before you started practicing medicine. I know your tricks. I’m a killer. It’s why I’m here.”

“you don’t want to do this…”

“Shut up!” Twenty-two squeezed harder and Rus whimpered, fighting for air. “It’s—it’s just tranquiliser. It’ll knock you out for a few hours, then I’ll be long gone.” He slipped Rus’s ID card out of his pocket. “I—I just need this. I just need this and I can get out.”

Rus squirmed under his tight grip. “th—that tranquiliser is meant for monsters with at least ten lv,” he rasped. “my hp is too low—it’ll kill me.” Twenty-two exhaled hard, shifting his grip. Rus could hear the needle shaking in his hand, so close to his neck.

“You’re lying.”

“you know i’m not.” LV crackled in the air and Rus blinked away tears. “you told me before that you didn’t want to hurt me,” he whispered.

“I don’t.” Twenty-two inhaled deeply. “But I will if I have to.”

Rus fought back the overwhelming urge to panic. The electricity tingling up his spine, the impulse to writhe and scream; he fought them back. “you don’t want to. think about what you’re doing—even if you get me out of the way, what will you do next? you think they’re just going to ignore you? a patient walking unaccompanied through the ward?”

“I’ll think of something,” twenty-two hissed. “I’ll—I’ll fight if I have to.”

“i know you’re strong, you are. but you’re on suppressants. even on your best day, you couldn’t take five nurses with tranquiliser—and security will be down in minutes.” Twenty-two’s grip grew tighter and Rus felt the warmth of building tears in his sockets. “please,” he whispered. “you don’t want to do this.” Outside, the sky was turning purple. Rus idly wondered if it would be the last time he saw it.

“I can’t stay here,” twenty-two choked. “I’ll die. I’ll die before I spend another day in these walls.”

Rus shut his eyes, taking a deep breath before whispering, “i can help you.”

“No you can’t!” twenty-two snapped, and Rus choked as he jolted. “You can’t help me! Don’t give me that. Don’t give me that bullshit.”

“no,” Rus gasped, struggling in twenty-two’s grip. “i—i can help you get out.” Twenty-two went quiet, his breathing loud against Rus’s ear. Cautiously, Rus went on. “if you let me take the lead, we can pretend i’m taking you to a different room. i have your transfer papers. we can—”

Twenty-two’s grip shifted threateningly and Rus broke off. “No. No, I don’t trust you for a second.”

“you have to.”

“And what’s to stop you from marching me straight to the tranquilising room when I’m not holding this to your throat anymore?” He pressed the tip of the needle to Rus’s vertebrae as if to emphasise his point, and Rus winced.

“i want to help you. i don’t want to see you die. i—”

“I don’t believe you.”

“i can only offer you my word. please. _please_ let me help you.”

Twenty-two’s silence weighed on the room, and with each passing second, Rus became acutely aware of the cold tip of the needle against his throat. He could feel the unsteady rise and fall of twenty-two’s chest behind him, his breath hot on Rus’s neck.

Then slowly, he released Rus. For several long seconds, Rus stood frozen. He gradually lifted his hands up in a defensive gesture, careful not to make any quick movements. He kept his eyes trained on twenty-two. It was unsettling seeing him without his composure. His complacent smirk and steady, burning eyes. His hand shook around the needle, and his eye-lights were flicking unsteadily between Rus and the door.

Without breaking eye contact, Rus crouched and reached for the set of cuffs on the med cart. Twenty-two took a step back, bearing the needle like a knife. “What are you doing?”

Rus froze, focusing on keeping his voice steady. “patients have to be cuffed when they’re moved between rooms… a-and muzzled.”

Twenty-two’s eyes went wide and his jaw tightened. “No. No! You’re not putting those things on me. I won’t let you.”

Rus took a deep breath. “an uncuffed patient walking the halls would raise too many alarms. we have to make it believable or this won’t work.”

Twenty-two wiped a hand over his face, inhaling sharply, then pointed the needle at Rus’s throat. “If you double cross me, I’ll kill you for every pathetic bit of EXP you’re worth. I’ll fucking kill you.”

Rus nodded, whispering, “okay. okay… i understand...”

Twenty-two put his hands together and Rus cuffed them. Under his fierce red eyes, Rus shook so much he struggled to get the muzzle on. He could hear twenty-two’s ragged breathing behind the mask. “it’s going to be okay. it’ll be okay,” he breathed, more for his own sake. He scanned his keycard and guided twenty-two out into the hall with a hand on his shoulder.

He heard twenty-two’s breath catch. “left,” he said quietly, avoiding the gazes of a passing group of nurses. Thankfully, due to the ‘refurbishments’, twenty-two wasn’t the only patient being moved around, so they didn’t attract many second glances. The closest exit to this wing of the hospital was the back exit through storage, but they’d still have to go through security to get there. Rus desperately wished he’d had more time to plan this. But almost every word out of his mouth these past five minutes had been based on survival instinct and pure adrenaline.

When they reached the reached the large vault doors, Rus showed the security guard twenty-two’s transfer papers. He hoped to the King that the guard wouldn’t notice how much his hands were shaking. She eyed the sheet of paper over. “From room twenty-two?” she asked.

“that’s right,” Rus said in a stiff voice. The guard looked back at the sheet of paper, glancing between the photo stamped on it, and twenty-two. Rus could feel sweat building on the back of his neck, and he was certain it couldn’t all be attributed to the humidity. Twenty-two was silent, but his shoulder was stiff under Rus’s hand.

Finally, the guard nodded, typing in the passcode and scanning her card to let them through. “All good, go on through.” Rus offered her a faint smile, and fought against the urge to hurry through the door. 

This section of the hospital was quieter, and mostly home to research labs and spare rooms. A few of the ward D monsters had been moved here temporarily for the renovations—including twenty-two, by some miracle Rus wasn’t going to painstake over.

Each step down the corridor felt like walking through quicksand. It took every ounce of Rus’s will not to run. Whenever they passed someone, Rus feared— _they know, they know, they know._

“Hey! Rus!”

Rus jumped, squeezing twenty-two’s shoulder so hard he grunted. He turned around slowly, his soul already plummeting into an abyss of dread. The doctor from the break room—Boris—was hurrying towards him, his thick golden mane flowing about his face. He grinned his sparkling white grin and put a hand on Rus’s shoulder. “Fancy running into you in this neck of the woods. Come to join me in research for the evening?”

Rus swallowed. They hadn’t been caught. Not yet. _Breathe._ “no, uh… just delivering a patient actually—transferring. i’m transferring him. while his room is renovated.” He spoke too quickly. _Calm down!_

Boris looked at twenty-two the same way one might look at a container of forgotten leftovers at the back of the fridge. “Ah. Well, if you ever want a break from… all this—you’re more than welcome to join me in research sometime.” He gave Rus’s arm a soft squeeze, beaming. “I could put a word in for you with the head of admin. She and I are close, you know! I’m sure she could arrange something.”

Down the corridor to the left, Rus could see the glowing sign for an emergency exit. “uh… sure. yeah, sounds great.”

“Yeah?” 

“yeah.” Rus cleared his throat, fidgeting impatiently. “do you mind excusing me? i—i should really get this patient to his room.”

“Of course, of course! By all means. I look forward to working with you, Rus. Oh! Before you go—” He slipped a paper card into Rus’s breast pocket and Rus stared at him, bewildered. “My number. You can contact me any time, sweetheart.” Winking, he walked away.

“o-okay...” Rus tried to push the thought from his mind, and hurried twenty-two on. They walked passed all the patient rooms and stopped outside the emergency exit. Rus hesitated to check if anyone was watching them, as deep as the temptation was to bolt through without looking back. No one was looking their way. He pushed the door open and hurried twenty-two through. Their footsteps echoed through the stairwell, and if they both jogged more than walked, Rus wasn’t complaining.

At the bottom of the stairwell, Rus had to scan his ID card again. They emerged into a long grey corridor lined with shelves and cupboards. Rus could hear the rumble of machinery through the concrete walls, and feel the outside heat creeping in. _So close._

The sound of someone whistling echoed down the corridor and Rus froze. Without thinking, he opened one of the storage cupboards and pushed twenty-two towards it. “hide!” he hissed when twenty-two resisted. “you can’t be seen here, you need to hide.” Through the mask of his muzzle, twenty-two’s eyes were narrowed, but he quickly complied. Rus closed the door behind him just as the janitor rounded the corner. He stopped for a second and adjusted his glasses, as if surprised to see Rus. Rus greeted him with a wave and a weak smile.

“You looking for something, love?” the janitor asked.

“no, no, i’m alright,” Rus said. “just uh—getting more tranquiliser.”

The janitor lifted a thick brow. “Don’t you have a stock cupboard in your ward?”

Rus swallowed, nodding slowly. “yes… they just sent me to restock.” He could hear the mana pounding in his skull, his soul so loud it might have been echoing off the walls.

“Ah, alright then. Thought they normally got the aides to do that, but what do I know. Guess the doctors aren’t busy enough these days!” He chuckled to himself, and Rus forced a smile. “Need any help finding it?”

Rus shook his head. “nope! don’t bother yourself. thank you.”

“I’ll leave you be then. Come visit again, no one else bothers.” The janitor ambled on, resuming his whistling. Rus waited until he’d turned the corner before opening the cupboard. Twenty-two gave him a disgruntled look and Rus grimaced.

“you can look at me like that when you get caught,” he muttered.

At the end of the corridor they came to a fork. Far to their left, down a stretch of empty passageway, was a frame of light—and a door. _Daylight._ Rus guided twenty-two down the corridor, their feet scuffling loudly against the concrete. When they reached the end, he scanned his card and the door clicked open.

They were hit with a wave of heat. The open desert stretched ahead of them, barred only by the perimeter fence. Sand kicked up around their feet, and Rus had never been so relieved for it. 

He fumbled the key into the lock of twenty-two’s cuffs, stumbling back when twenty-two sank to his knees in the sand. He tore off the muzzle and tossed it aside, grasping at handfuls of dirt. His sockets were wide and glazed as he let the sand trickle between his fingers. His mouth hung open and his breathing was heavy. 

Rus glanced around anxiously, half-expecting a team of security to leap out from behind a bush. “i don’t know how to get past the fence,” he said, “this is where my clearance ends, i’m sorry.”

Twenty-two didn’t look at him, his eyes fixed on the stretching desert ahead. “How far to the city?” 

“about thirty miles.”

He nodded and stood up, walking towards the fence. “Good. I can walk.”

“but you—” Rus stared in a mingle of awe and horror as he climbed the full height of the fence with startling agility, hooking his bony fingers and bare feet between the mesh. When he reached the barbed wire, he paused for only a moment before gripping it with both hands and pushing it aside. A startled gasp bubbled from Rus’s throat. Even from this distance, he could see the bloody scrapes on twenty-two’s hands as he scrambled over the wire. He landed on the other side with little more than a grunt. His jumpsuit was torn and his bones cut and bloody. It was almost comedically horrific.

Rus shrunk back as twenty-two turned around to look at him. “Don’t follow me.” Without another word, he ran off and disappeared into the desert.


	4. Dust among the sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus deals with the aftermath of his actions... and some things turn out quite unexpectedly. For better or for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of dusting and death, and a brief, non-graphic sex scene.  
> EDIT: Additional warning for implied alcoholism! Sorry, completely forgot to include that tag.
> 
> (I’m posting this from my phone, so apologies for any errors! Let me know if the formatting turns out weird.)

Rus stood behind the fence, staring out into the desert long after twenty-two had disappeared into the haze of dusk. The sun was long gone, and the temperature was dropping rapidly. Far over the peak of the horizon, Rus could see the pale glow of city lights. 

A nighthawk chirped along with the insects of the evening, and a whistling breeze blew dust across the desert plains. It was only when Rus began to shiver that he managed to pull his gaze away from the horizon long enough to head inside.

He walked robotically through the halls, barely noticing his surroundings until he reached the security door for ward D. “Hey? You listening to me, kiddo?” Rus blinked, staring at the security guard.

“what?”

The guard lifted a brow. “I need your ID if you want to get in.”

“oh.” Rus’s hand was steady this time when he handed over his card. In fact, his whole body was. It was as if he’d been soaked in numbing cream.

“Long day?” the guard asked as she scanned Rus’s card.

“yes,” Rus said automatically, taking his card back. “thank you.” He bumped into a nurse on his way through and flinched. He stared at her and she cast him an irritated look. He kept walking, wiping sweat off his forehead. He felt light-headed.

When he passed room twenty-two, he slowed. His soul thumped and he put his hand on the doorknob, then hesitated. He could hear mana rushing through his skull. There was a ringing in his head.

When he opened the door, his body seized. He closed it behind him and leaned back against it, dizzy. The dinner tray was still on the floor, rice spilling onto the tiles. Rus crouched and scooped it back onto the plate, wiping away the running sauce with a napkin. He washed his hands in the sink. Dried them. Put the tray back on the med cart.

A whimper caught in his throat. Discarded haphazardly on the top shelf of the cart was a tranquilliser needle—the same one that had been pressed to his throat not twenty minutes ago—no, an hour—more, it felt longer.

Rus touched his neck with his cold fingertips and shivered. The air was thin, too thin to breathe. He gasped, a sob rocking his chest. He picked up the needle and shoved it into the waste bag, wiping a hand over his face.

He needed to—he had to move the med cart. Had to put it back, or the next shift would find it and—

He scanned his card and wheeled it out. _Fuck, could he stop crying?_ He wiped his sleeve over his eyes, feigning tiredness to passers-by. The cart trembled— _was that his hands or did it always do that?_

“Rus!” The cart lurched as he jumped. He looked up to see Sonya scurrying over to him, her tail feathers ruffled and her eyelids heavy. “You mind running some samples through the lab for me? I know you’re meant to be finishing but it’s been such a hectic day and—hey, are you okay?”

He looked down at her, taking a few seconds to process the question. “yes. yes, sorry. fine. just feeling a bit sick. i—i think i need to head home.” He swallowed, wiping a cold trickle of sweat from his forehead.

“Oh, of course, hon! Of course.” Sonya brushed her wing over his arm, squinting up at him. “You’re looking a little pale. Do you need us to call you a taxi? Want to lie down for a bit?”

“no—no i’m fine. i can drive. i just—need to go.”

“Alright, I’ll take the med cart back for you. You just head on home, okay?”

“thank you,” he muttered, hurrying past her and down the hallway. He pushed past the other staff members and scanned his ID card hastily at security, nausea churning in the pit of his soul. He stopped outside the bathroom, leaning against the wall when he began to feel dizzy. A nurse stopped and put a hand on his arm.

“Are you feeling alright, man?”

“fine,” Rus gasped, turning away. He pushed open the bathroom door and hurried over to one of the stalls, leaning over the toilet bowl and retching. The rancid magic left a bitter taste, and he coughed, wiping his mouth. He flushed the toilet and splashed his face over the sink. There were eyes on him. He ignored them—as best he could—and left.

When he reached the front lobby, he was shaking again. “Don’t forget to sign out, darling!” the receptionist called as he made for the door. He turned around slowly and forced his feet to carry him to the desk. His handwriting was almost illegible but he scribbled his details onto the timesheet then left without a word, avoiding the receptionist’s confused gaze.

When he got into his car, he stopped and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, fighting off tears. He buried his face in his hands and the wet from his sockets seeped between his fingers. His breath caught on a sob and he grit his teeth, gasping.

_Thirteen LV. He’d let thirteen LV loose into the world._

No. Twenty-two was a person. More than his LV. He didn’t deserve rot in this place _._

_Rus could go back in now. Tell them about what happened. Tell them he’d had no choice. His life had been under threat. They could still catch twenty-two before he reached the city._

What would they do with him if they found him? Bring him back here? Or… not bring him back.

It wasn’t a difficult decision, really. Rus couldn’t will himself to get back out of the car. To walk back inside and confess—to spare himself the guilt of the crime. He couldn’t do it. He was stuck to his seat. _Twenty-two might have been a killer, but Rus wouldn’t be one too._

He wiped the tears off his face and started up his car, pulling out of the parking lot. Dust kicked up around the tyres. The crunch of gravel and the low hum of the engine as he drove through the desert was too monotonous, too quiet. He kept glancing between the craggy rocks and dunes, half-expecting to see a skeletal figure stumbling through the darkness. _Almost hoped he would_. He didn’t.

When he reached the highway, the city lights blurred past him. It was only when he looked down that he realised he was well over the speed limit. He turned the corner into his street half anticipating the unwelcome flash of blue and red, but the street was dark and quiet. Cars were parked along the side of the road and the dim stream of light from the street lamps swirled with dust. Everything was in place.

Rus parked outside his apartment and hurried up the steps. He flinched when someone else stepped into the elevator with him—but it was only a neighbour. One whose name he’d never cared to learn, and they didn’t exchange so much as a hello. His hands shook around his keys as he unlocked his door. His breathing was too loud in the quiet hallway, echoing back at him. When he was inside, he slammed the door shut and leaned back, closing his eyes.

The apartment was stuffy and his breakfast dishes were still on the coffee table—had that really only been this morning? He switched on the air conditioning and picked up his bowl. The spoon rattled as he carried it to the kitchen and put it in the sink. Instead of washing it, he opened the cupboard above the fridge and took out an unopened bottle of whiskey.

He’d been saving it. Probably to give to someone as a gift, he never drank much these days. But now seemed like the time to start again. Just one. He’d just have one.

_What time did the night shift start checking in on their patients? Twenty-two’s transfer was scheduled for midnight._

One drink. To calm his nerves.

_But they could decide to check up on him earlier. It was eight o’clock. They could be in there right now_. 

He could hear the mana pounding in his skull.

_They could be on the way here already. Would they call him first? Should he even be at home? This was the first place they’d look for him_. 

He could have screamed if his throat didn’t feel so tight.

_And what about twenty-two? He couldn’t have made it far. He was probably still out there…_

Bottle in hand, Rus walked up to the living room window. Over the flushed yellow lights of the city, he could see the desolate stretch of desert. A dark, endless plain of sand and rock.

_Had he condemned twenty-two regardless? Would he die out there?_

A shower and a few glasses of whiskey later found Rus lying on the sofa with the news on. He stared at the screen, numb with anticipation.

_Upsurge of break-ins in the western quarter. Pickpocketing incidents in the centre of town, citizens advised to remain wary. More and more monsters crossing the border..._

Nothing about patient twenty-two. Rus knew it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. The facility wasn’t public knowledge. It was highly unlikely they’d release that they’d let one of their test subjects loose onto the streets. _That Rus had freed a killer._

Still, he kept the news on.

_Gang violence in the outer city districts. Three collisions on the dangerous Oasis Highway intersection. Border patrol remain vigilant._

Rus’s glass was empty. He stared at it for several seconds before pouring himself another. He breathed out as the liquid burned in his chest and the sensation spread outward through his bones.

_Intimate partner homicide. Car thefts. More political scandals. More about the monster-human border._

Rus poured himself another glass.

_Man caught carrying a knife into a bar._

And another one.

_Drunk and disorderly..._

And another...

_Nothing about the facility. Nothing about twenty-two. And nothing about Rus._

 

Rus didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he woke up, there was a glaring light on his face. His head pounded and his insides squirmed with nausea. He pressed his hand over his eyes, trying to block out the bright light. He could hear the rumble of engines and car horns on the street outside, and the chittering of birds. The air conditioning hummed through the apartment, and Rus shivered.

The TV was still on, the Saturday morning news displayed on the screen. Rus tried to stand up but he swayed, and had to cling onto the arm of the sofa to steady himself. He was dizzy and nauseous and aching all at once. He staggered to the bathroom and splashed his face with water, then knelt and threw up in the toilet. He coughed, resting his head on the edge of the lid. His throat burned. He retched again but nothing came out. His soul was empty. When was the last time he’d eaten?

Though the thought of food made his insides churn, Rus made himself some toast and ate it plain. He returned to the sofa, pushing aside the empty whiskey bottle. His phone was on the coffee table. He wrung his hands together, staring at it as if it might leap up and attack him. Quickly, he reached out and tapped the home button. The lock screen was blank. No missed calls from work. No new messages. No breaking news labelling him as a wanted criminal. He leaned back, shutting his eyes.

On the TV, the morning reporter was reading the weather. Sunny. Hot. Cold nights. Much the same as always. Rus picked up the remote, then paused. He took a bite of his toast and put it back down.

_How long did it take to walk thirty miles? Twelve hours? If so, twenty-two would have reached the city by now. Or… or he was dead. Dust mingling with the desert sand—_

Rus’s soul lurched nauseatingly. The thought drew tears, which he blinked back, shocked. He got up and hurried to the window, peering through the curtains onto the street, as if twenty-two might be waiting there, ragged jumpsuit and all.

An elderly couple were walking their dog, and a car drove past, playing thumping music which made Rus’s head pulse.

Rus thrust the curtains closed and sat back down. He rapped his fingers on his knees, bouncing his leg. His head still throbbed but he couldn’t sit still. He stood up and paced the length of the living room. The pounding in his skull was accompanied by a ringing. A sharp, painful sound which resonated through him. He clutched his skull in both hands and bent double, his jaw clenched. His scream was silent.

 

Rus spent the weekend indoors, only making one, highly stressful trip outside for groceries. He kept the news on, but as expected, there was no mention of the escaped prisoner… or his accomplice. It should have been a relief, but it wasn’t. Not even close. The not knowing was unbearable, and despite the dreaded thought of returning to the facility, Rus was grateful when Monday came. 

It dawned cloudy and humid. Rus’s sleep was plagued by nightmares, and he woke up feeling too nauseous for breakfast. He almost considered calling in sick, but—no, that would surely raise too much suspicion. Normal. He had to act normal.

He played his music loud on the drive to work—some heavy metal CD he’d only listened to a couple of times before. It helped drown out the thought of police and dust and red eyes… somewhat.

He took it as a good sign when the gate guard scanned his ID and took his mana print as usual, smiling at him as she let him in. Any hope of normalcy was dashed, however, when he reached reception. The receptionist glanced at the timesheet before asking, “Ward D?”

For a second, Rus froze, staring into her yellow eyes, which seemed entirely too perceptive, too accusatory—before his mind caught up. “yes… ward d.”

“Ah. You’ll have to report to admin. There’s been a breach in security. D has been sealed off.”

Rus’s head was spinning, his grip tightening on the countertop. “a—a breach?”

“One of the patients escaped a couple of nights ago. The police are in the process of investigating it, so everyone from ward D has been relocated for now.”

Rus didn’t have to feign horror. “escaped?” He swallowed. “who? have they been caught?”

The receptionist shrugged and nudged her glasses up her nose, looking back at her computer. “Everything is still classified for now, so I don’t really know much. Just head over to admin upstairs. They’ll organise you for the day.”

As it turned out, nothing was very classified. Rus ran into Jackie on his way to the office, who was doing a rotation on ward A. “Holy shit, doc, he got out!” she hissed, grabbing his wrist. “Twenty-two escaped. You should see all the security around D. They’re interviewing everyone! They’ll probably wanna talk to you at some point since you were his doctor. Did you see him on Friday night? Oh, he must have gotten out just after you gave him his check up! They’re estimating the escape time was after six.”

Rus felt dizzy. The floor was caving in beneath his feet, opening into a black abyss which was swallowing him. He rested his palm against his forehead, exhaling. “Hey.” Jackie put her paw on his arm. “I know. It came as a shock to me too. But don’t worry, they’ll catch him.”

Admin sent Rus to the research ward for the day. “The police will probably be out before tomorrow,” they told him. “So it’s just for the day. And be ready for them to call on you for an interview. Not sure when that will happen. They’re still working on forensics.”

Rus had spent a little time in research before. It was where most of the doctors in the facility worked, with only a few out on the wards collecting samples and monitoring their patients. The ward was a lot busier than normal today, with most patients from ward D in the spare rooms. To Rus’s relief, he had only been assigned to lab work for the day. He wasn’t sure he could rely on his nerves to hold up around LV today.

Once he’d been assigned a worktable, he dove into his work and didn’t speak to anyone. The whole laboratory was abuzz with talk of the escape, and his skull felt like it might implode.

He skipped his lunch break, and it was only around three o’clock when someone approached him. “Hey! Look who’s here.” Rus flinched sharply and dropped his sample, the petri dish clattering onto the worktop. He looked up and breathed out. Boris chuckled, revealing his set of sharp white teeth. “Feeling a little on edge?” He winked. “Can’t blame you. With all that’s happened. But hey! Look what came of it. We get the chance to work together.”

“just for today,” Rus muttered, rearranging his sample.

“Well you never know. Maybe they’ll like you and send you back to me on your next rotation!” Boris grinned, squeezing his shoulder.

“i doubt that,” Rus said, picking up his pipette. He made a faint attempt to shrug off Boris’s hand, but he only held on tighter. He crouched next to Rus and lowered his voice.

“You know, my pal in security was telling me some pretty interesting stuff earlier.”

Rus barely glanced at him. “oh?”

“Yeah. Apparently a bunch of the security cameras down the back exit got corrupted Friday night—lost them a whole lot of footage.”

Rus went still, his fingers tight around the pipette. “that’s… odd.”

“Right? Ah, those old things are always malfunctioning, though. I’m always telling them down in security—it’s all about the tech. Gotta keep it upgraded, you know?”

“yes…” Rus stared at the sample on his workbench, but his mind was drifting. _Security cameras. He’d forgotten about the security cameras…_

“Kind of inconvenient, isn’t it? Though I suppose it worked out pretty well for that patient!” Boris laughed, and Rus forced a weak smile. “So you were his doctor, huh? This has gotta be a lot to process.”

Rus stiffened and nodded slowly. “i was his doctor, yes…”

“Man, that’s rough. Losing a patient is always hard.” Rus frowned up at him.

“losing a patient?” His mana ran cold and he swallowed. “he’s dead?”

“He will be,” Boris said. “When they catch him.”

“what makes you so sure?”

“That they’ll kill him?”

“that they’ll catch him.”

Boris studied him for several quiet seconds. His grin was forced, but eventually, he let out a quiet chuckle and patted Rus’s shoulder. “Always with that sense of humour.” He stood up. “They will. They have agents tracking him. Not many places to hide in a city this small. Shouldn’t take long. And if he didn’t make it to the city—well, he’s not our problem anymore, is he?”

An image popped into Rus’s head. A mangled body, bones dried out, red with sand and blood, lying beneath the desert sun, waiting to dust…

He banished the thought before it could take root, but it left a sick aftertaste. Boris turned to leave, then stopped. Leaning down again, he put a hand on the back of Rus’s chair. “You know, as his doctor, you could be considered a prime suspect.”

Rus stared, keeping his features painfully neutral. “a suspect for what?”

“Oh, come on. There’s no way he managed that escape on his own. They’re already saying he probably got inside help.” He went silent, giving Rus a long look and Rus could feel the world collapsing around him. _Boris had been there. He’d seen him with twenty-two. He’d seen him leading him through the ward, helping him escape. He knew..._

Rus didn’t say anything. He didn’t dare move. Boris grinned and patted his arm. “Good thing you were helping me out with research that afternoon, huh?”

Rus faltered. “what?”

“Yeah, I told them! For about an hour after six, you were with me in E, working on some research.” His smile was wide. “You remember, don’t you?”

Rus’s mouth was dry. “i…”

Boris laughed. “Ah, I’m sure it’ll come back to you once all this chaos has died down. I’ve got some work to get on with so I’ll catch you later, Rus. Still got my number, right? Anything you need.” He winked and walked away. Rus watched him go. He tried to feel relieved, but the squirming feeling in his chest was one of dread.

****

After work, Rus stopped at a bar a few blocks from his apartment. His mind was set on one goal—distractions. If he was screwed, may as well get screwed the fun way first. 

It was busy for a Monday, patrons filling the seats and the dance floor. Rus ordered bourbon and found himself a lone stool at the corner of the bar.

The music was too loud, and Rus let it drown out his thoughts. It only took two or three drinks to get him on his feet, letting strangers press up against him, feel their way over his bones, draw him close enough to kiss and to touch… a coaxing smile (and a few more drinks) and he was following them through the back door.

The brick wall outside was cold against his back, the jagged corners digging into his spine. The stranger pushed him hard against it and Rus lifted his legs higher, giving him access to what he wanted. His breath was hot against Rus’s neck, and Rus was drunk out of his mind. The alley swayed around him, dank and sticky. The night air was chilly against his bare legs and pelvis.

He could hear the laughter and chatter of people on the street. Just a glance down the alley and they’d be able to see. Rus tried to care, but he was numb.

The stranger’s grunts filled the air, growing louder and breathier as he drove into Rus. Rus scrambled for purchase, trying to get a hold on the wall. He tightened his legs around the stranger’s waist, turning his head and feeling the cold press of bricks against his cheekbone.

In the depths of the alley, red lights glowed. Rus gasped, pushing against the stranger. Then the red was gone. “What is it?” the stranger asked. “Did I hurt you?”

“no, just…” Rus stared into the darkness, but it was pitch black. He could only make out the dim silhouette of dumpsters and bags of rubbish. “i thought i saw—nothing. don’t worry about it. keep going...” It didn’t take much convincing.

Rus had to leave his car at the bar, too drunk to drive. He walked home with the stranger’s seed still drying on his femurs. And all the way, he could hear footsteps in his wake—he was certain of it. Just as certain as he was of the red eyes he’d seen looming in the alley. But when he looked back, he was alone.


	5. Into the darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The line between fear and temptation is very thin...

Rus staggered up the steps to his apartment, leaning against the cold steel of the elevator door on the ride up. He fumbled with his keys in the dark and they clattered to the floor. He cursed, crouching to pick them up.

“Hello, doctor.”

Rus’s scream was cut off by a warm, bony hand clapping over his mouth. He struggled, but the voice hushed him. “Shh, shh, I’m not going to hurt you.” The sharp smell of spice and leather filled Rus’s nasal cavity. He breathed heavily against the person’s hand, trying to pry it off. “Relax, relax, shh. If I let go, are you going to scream?” Rus shook his head furiously and he was released. He spun around and scrambled back, pressing up against the door. Twenty-two—and different as he looked, it most certainly was him, red eyes and all—tilted his head, smirking. “You don’t have to look so happy to see me.”

Rus took a moment to process him. It was off-putting seeing him out of his striped jumpsuit. Not a patient, but a… person. He was wearing jeans and a leather jacket, beneath which Rus could see a curve of scarred collarbone. His boots looked worn enough not to be brand new, which was unsettling in itself. 

And there was colour in his cheekbones and eyes. He wasn’t the pale, fading patient he’d been in the facility. He was striking. “h-how—” Rus broke off, mana pumping through his skull.

Twenty-two looked far too smug for a wanted criminal. “Take your time.”

“how are you alive?”

He glanced down at himself, then shrugged. “You tell me, you’re the doctor.”

Rus shook his head, too stunned to chastise the sarcasm. “the desert—how—how did you make it out? and your clothes—where have you been all this time?”

“Missed me that much, have you?” When Rus said nothing, he sighed. “I walked.”

“it’s thirty miles! that’s—”

“Yes, it was a long and perilous journey.” He rolled his eyes. “A stroll through the park, really. Honestly, I decided to rotate back and do it again, just for kicks.” Rus stared at him, speechless, and he grinned. “You don’t seem convinced.”

“th-thirty miles! and the desert is freezing at night—”

“LV does wonders when keeping one warm, when it’s not being suppressed.” There was an edge of bitterness to his tone, one Rus suspected he wasn’t aware of. “I thought you’d know that as a doctor. Perhaps you need to run some tests on me?” He took a step closer, the heat from his body tickling Rus’s bones. Rus inched back, making him grin. “Or not. I suppose those days are behind us.”

For all the time he’d spent trying to get twenty-two out of his thoughts these past few days, Rus couldn’t take his eyes off him. He shook his head, whispering, “i… i thought you were dead.”

“How unfortunate for you that I’m not.” His smirk soured, and he narrowed his sockets. “Do they know it was you?”

Rus swallowed and shook his head. “not yet.”

Twenty-two’s shoulders sagged with relief. “Good. If they knew, they might try and trace you to me.”

“what do you want?” Rus asked. “i thought you told me not to look for you.” A promise he’d been more than happy to keep.

Twenty-two sighed, tilting his head. “Always straight to business with you. I need a favour.”

Rus scowled. “i’m not helping you anymore. i got you out, and i’m already looking at prison time for that.”

“I wouldn’t be asking unless it was serious.” Twenty-two sighed, his smile falling. “I need meds. For my LV.” Rus stared at him, taking a sharp breath. In the dim of the hallway, his eye-lights looked brighter than normal, a dull, red blaze. “Going cold turkey off the suppressants after so long is… difficult.” He smiled faintly, and Rus felt a tingle down his spine. “I can control it, but I don’t trust myself not to slip. I just need enough for a few weeks. Time to wean myself off them.”

Rus swallowed, fidgeting with his keys. “you’re asking me to steal.”

Twenty-two cocked his head. “Is that really the worst you’ve done for me?”

“fuck—i can’t! if i’m caught… they’ll know.”

“Fine. But if I end up snapping and hurting someone, it’s on you.”

Rus grit his teeth. “no—no it’s not. you can’t—that’s not fair.”

Twenty-two chuckled. “No, it’s not.” He sighed, pinching his nasal bridge. “It’s difficult for me to ask this of you…”

“you seem to be doing just fine.”

“Please, doctor. I don’t know what type of person you think I am, but I don’t want to lose control—I don’t want to hurt anyone.” He moved closer and Rus took a step back, pressing himself against the door. It was unnerving not having the barrier of tranquiliser needles and suppressant meds protecting him from twenty-two. This close, he could smell the sharp scent of his magic, feel the prickle of LV through his bones, and twenty-two’s warm breaths against his face. He was just an inch or two taller than Rus, but this close, he seemed to loom over him. And he felt warm. So alarmingly warm.

“fine,” Rus whispered eventually. “fine, i’ll try.”

Twenty-two smiled. “Thank you, doctor. I appreciate the after-hours.” Rus rolled his eyes, tired. “We shouldn’t meet here again. There’s a bar about three blocks away—the Cactus Juice. Do you know it?” Rus looked up at him and narrowed his sockets, making twenty-two grin. “You should. You just fucked someone in the alley outside.”

Magic rushed to Rus’s face. “you—you  _ were  _ there!” he hissed. “i saw you. i knew i did!”

“Not the scene I expected to stumble upon.”

Rus shut his eyes, turning his face away. “you watched?”

“Only long enough to realise it was consensual.”

Rus cupped a hand over his mouth and sucked in a breath. He couldn’t decide whether to be embarrassed, outraged, or… disappointed. Mostly, he just wanted to disappear. A good stiff drink didn’t sound bad either. “what about it?” he said, in a weak voice.

“I want you to meet me there tomorrow night at nine. Bring the meds.” Rus sighed, nodding. “Out back. And make sure you’re not followed.”

“steal for you and don’t get caught. right. easy.” Sockets heavy, Rus turned to unlock his door. Twenty-two was still so close behind him, he could feel his breaths against the back of his neck, and the encompassing heat of his LV. His head spun and he leaned against the door for support.

“You’re very drunk.”

Rus sighed. “obviously.” His fingers were shaking, making his keys rattle. He dropped them again. “fuck—” Before he could move, twenty-two crouched and picked them up. Rus turned around slowly and forced himself to meet twenty-two’s burning red eyes. “can i have my keys back?” His breathing was deep. Twenty-two had all but caged him against the door, leaving him with very little space to move or to think. The heat from twenty-two’s body reminded Rus, once again, of his LV. His unsuppressed LV.

He stepped closer and Rus shut his eyes. He heard the key turning in the lock, and the door eased open. When he opened his eyes, twenty-two was smirking down at him. He didn’t release Rus’s eye as he dropped the keys back in his palm. “Sleep well, doctor.”

“i don’t think i will,” Rus said. He turned around and shut the door, sinking against it. He had to wait until he heard twenty-two’s footsteps fading on the wooden floor outside before he could bring himself to move.

****

Stealing the meds proved less difficult than Rus had anticipated. It was easy enough to slip them into his pocket while stocking another patient’s med cart. Though he spent most of the day fidgeting with the small box, jumping every time someone spoke to him.

They had reopened ward D, but the investigation of twenty-two’s escape was ongoing. The police and a few city officials were still interviewing the staff. Rus had been informed they’d be getting to him. Soon, they’d said, probably later today. They were just working their way down through the ranks of senior hospital staff and security. That promise was not doing his nerves any kindness.

On his lunch break, he ran into Jackie, who was just returning from her interview. “It went on for ages,” she told him, pulling up a chair. “I mean, they wanted to be thorough, me being his nurse and all—it’ll probably be the same for you.”

Rus stabbed his pasta with his fork, his mind far from eating. “what kind of questions did they ask?”

Jackie wrung her hands together, glancing around the room. “Ah… I’m not really meant to say…” She leaned in, her ears folding forward. “They asked me a bit about you, actually. Your relationship with him.”

Rus stiffened, squirming in his seat. “my relationship with him?” he asked, staring pointedly at the table.

“Yeah, well…” Jackie cleared her throat. “They wanted to know if there was anything… y’know. Going on with you two.”

Rus dropped his fork into the carton, his face heating. “what?” he hissed, staring at her.

“Yeah, I mean they asked me the same thing. But you two always did, well, flirt a bit.” She glanced away, her ears twitching.

“that—that wasn’t flirting, that was him being an… asshole.” Rus’s face felt hot. He shoved a forkful of pasta into his mouth, scowling at the table. “you didn’t tell them there was something going on between me and him, did you?”

“I…” Jackie grimaced. “Look, just take it easy. No one thinks you did it. The detectives are nice, the questions aren’t hard—you’ll be fine. It’s all pretty routine.”

Rus was called in for an interview at around three o’clock.

The detectives were set up in one of the empty offices upstairs. Rus knocked, and a woman’s voice called for him to enter. He inhaled deeply, rolling his shoulders, and opened the door.

A man and a woman were behind the desk. The woman had blue scales and a long red ponytail. There was a patch over her right eye. The man was tall and heavily built, and wearing a pressed black suit. He had white fur and horns that curled over the top of his head. He was standing beside the woman’s seat, tall and rigid, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Have a seat,” the woman said, indicating the chair in front of the desk. Rus sat down. There were folders stacked on the desk, but he couldn’t see what any of the labels said. “I’m Detective Undyne,” the woman said. “This is Derek. He’s here on behalf of the city council.”

Rus eyed them, squirming under Derek’s stern gaze. “rus,” he murmured. “doctor—doctor rus.”

“We just have a few routine questions for you, Doctor,” Undyne said. “You were patient twenty-two’s observing doctor for the past month, is that correct?” Rus nodded. “Can you describe your relationship with the patient?”

Rus swallowed. “yes—well, the same as any doctor’s relationship with their patients. i was concerned with keeping him healthy and comfortable.”

Undyne’s brows were furrowed as she scanned the contents of one of the folders. “So is it true that you reduced his suppressant dosage a few weeks ago?”

Rus’s throat felt tight. “yes, it is.”

Undyne studied him, folding her hands beneath her chin. “Why?”

Rus sat up straight, wringing his hands together in his lap. “it was having a negative impact on his physical health.” Next to Undyne, Derek was watching him closely, frowning. Rus tried not to look at him.

“A negative impact,” Undyne said. “How exactly?”

“he was experiencing headaches,  loss of sleep, physical pain.”

“He told you this?”

Rus frowned, nodding slowly. “yes he did.”

Undyne jotted something down. “Alright then. He had thirteen LV, is that correct?” Rus nodded. “And did you ever feel unsafe around him?”

“no more than i do around all of my patients.”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“it’s a no,” Rus said firmly. “i never felt unsafe around him.”

“So he was never violent?”

“never.”

“He never expressed any desire to hurt you?”

“no, not at all. he was always compliant. always calm. in control.”  _ Even now _ , Rus thought.  _ Even without the meds. Last night, he didn’t lay a finger on me.  _ He remembered the heat of twenty-two’s LV and shivered.

“Okay.” Undyne looked at Derek and he nodded. She sighed, turning back to Rus. “Now, tell us Doctor Rus, did he ever express any interest in you?”

Rus frowned, his soul twisting. “interest?”

Derek cleared his throat and Undyne grimaced. “Sexual interest.”

Rus’s soul skipped a beat. “n-no! no, he never—he didn’t—”

“Nothing at all?” Undyne asked, observing him steadily. “No flirting? Excessive touching? He never tried to initiate anything?”

“no, never!” Rus’s hands were fists on his knees. 

“Okay.” Undyne flipped through her file and Derek handed her a new one, muttering something inaudible. She nodded and glanced over it before looking back at Rus. “We’d like to discuss your relationship with another doctor here—Doctor Boris. How would you describe your relationship with him?”

Rus blinked. “boris? i—i wouldn’t say we have a relationship. we’re just colleagues. barely. we don’t even work on the same ward.”

“So the two of you have never been romantically or sexually involved?” Undyne asked. “In any way?”

Rus stared at her. “i’m sorry, is this an interview? or an interrogation about my sex life?”

Undyne gave Derek a deliberate look and he shook his head. She grimaced. “Sorry, Doctor. We’re just covering all our bases.”

Rus sighed. “no. no there’s never been anything between us—we’re hardly even friends.”

Derek leaned forward then, his thick white brows furrowed. “Can you tell us where you were on Friday night?” His voice was deep and husky. “Between six and seven.” Undyne looked irritated at him for interjecting, but she said nothing.

“i-i was—”  _ I told them! For about an hour after six, you were with me in E, working on some research. You remember, don’t you?  _ “in ward e. working on research.”

“Anyone who can corroborate that?” Undyne asked.

“yes,” Rus whispered, looking at the table. “doctor boris. i was with him.” Undyne’s pencil scratched against the sheet of paper. Rus could feel Derek’s eyes on him.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Undyne said. “That’s all for now. You’re free to go. We might call on you again so keep an eye out.”

Rus stood up hastily, his chair scraping against the tiles. “Just one more question, Doctor,” Derek called before he could reach the door. “You said you reduced the patient’s med dosage—did you do the same for any of your other patients?”

Rus blinked, turning around slowly. “no, but—none of the others were on a dosage as high as his.”

Derek’s expression remained impassive, but painfully astute. “You said it yourself, he had thirteen LV. I’m guessing that’s higher than most of your patients.”

Rus shook his head, fidgeting. “well, yes, but—”

“That’s okay, Doctor,” Undyne interrupted, giving Derek a long look. “Thank you. You can go.” Rus spared Derek a final glance before hurrying from the room. Out in the hallway, he leaned back and shut his eyes, exhaling before walking swiftly back downstairs.

He bumped into someone coming out of the elevator. It was Boris. “Oh! Hello, Rus. Wasn’t expecting to see you here.” He put both large paws on Rus’s shoulders, grinning. “Interview go okay?”

Rus frowned. “i—how did you know i had my interview?”

Boris stared at him for a moment, then said, “Sonya told me! I went down to ward D to look for you and she—well I wanted to speak to you actually. Something that’s been on my mind for quite some time!” He beamed, leaning close enough that Rus could smell the sharp shampoo in his mane. “What say you and I catch a drink sometime? After work maybe? I know I’m always looking for ways to destress after leaving this place at the end of the day.” His hands were heavy on Rus’s shoulders.

Rus stared at his shoes, clearing his throat. “look boris, i—i don’t know…”

Boris patted his arm. “Oh come! It’ll be fun.” He leaned in, smiling broadly. “You know, I like you, Rus. I think you and I could really get along well if you gave us a chance.” He squeezed Rus’s shoulders again and Rus hid a wince. “Come on, what do you say?”

Rus swallowed, looking up at him. Beneath his smile was a look Rus recognised—the look of someone who wasn’t used to hearing the word ‘no’. Sighing, he shrugged. “sure, fine.”

Boris’s grin widened. “That’s what I like to hear! How about you pop your number into my phone? I’ll drop you a text when I have some free time. We can figure out a date that works for both of us.”

“th-that’s okay, i have your number already…”

“Oh well, let’s make it two ways, shall we?” Running out of protests, Rus grudgingly gave him his phone number. Boris winked. “Look forward to it, sweetheart.” He brushed Rus’s jaw briefly with his thumb, then settled on his shoulder. “I know things have been a little tense around here these past few days, but don’t worry, they’ll catch him soon.” He laughed. “I know I’ll definitely sleep better knowing that creature is off the streets!”

***

Rus was grateful when nine o’clock came, eager to get rid of the meds. He waited behind the Cactus Juice, trying not to remember the last time he’d been here. The alley stunk of alcohol and spent magic. Rus rubbed his arms through his sweater, shivering. He glanced at his phone. It was only three minutes past nine. No need to panic yet. He took a deep breath, his soul beating rapidly.

He felt twenty-two’s warmth before he heard him coming, but still jerked when he put a hand on his shoulder. “Doctor.”

“stop sneaking up on me,” Rus hissed, spinning around.

“Do you have the meds?” twenty-two asked. Rus nodded, fishing the box out of his jeans pocket. Twenty-two snatched it from him and immediately swallowed two pills before shoving the box in his back pocket. “You have any trouble getting them?” Rus shook his head. “Good.”

“how is your lv?” Rus asked, eyeing him up and down. His bones had a flush to them, and on a night as cold as this one, the heat coming from him was stark against Rus’s bones. “is it… are you…?”

Twenty-two smirked. “Have I murdered anyone? No.” He tilted his head. “Are you afraid of me, doctor?” He moved closer and Rus took an inadvertent step away. But twenty-two didn’t halt. He backed Rus against the brick wall, pressing himself close enough that his leather scent flooded Rus’s nasal cavity. Rus breathed steadily, shutting his eyes. “You should be running.”

“would you have killed me if i hadn’t helped you?” Rus asked suddenly. “at the facility, would you have killed me?”

Twenty-two was silent for a long time. When Rus opened his eyes, his smirk had vanished. “Probably,” he said eventually.

“so i do have a reason to be afraid of you,” Rus breathed, but he didn’t move.

“Maybe then you did.” Twenty-two spoke quietly, as if he didn’t want Rus to hear the confession. He frowned and pulled away. “It was either you or me. I wanted out. I was willing to do whatever it took.”

“is that the lv talking?” Rus whispered. “or you?”

Twenty-two frowned, then shook the box, his smirk falling back into place. “Thank you for the meds, doc. You’ve saved the city from a dangerous killer.”

“well, you be sure to give them to him when you see him.”

Twenty-two’s laugh was cold. “Do you mean to imply I’m not a killer? I am. I’ve killed. A lot. Don’t go thinking that ten years in a cell changed that, doctor.” He studied Rus for a long moment, then walked closer, crowding him against the wall again, all but vanquishing the chill in Rus’s bones. He leaned down and grinned. “Sometimes, I even enjoyed it.”

Rus shuddered, turning his head to the side. He swallowed, then asked, “what’s your name?” 

Twenty-two tensed, but he didn’t move back. “What?”

Rus forced himself to look back up at him. “on the first day i met you, i asked you your name, and you told me you’d only share it if i got you out.” He lifted a brow. “i got you out.”

Twenty-two stared at him in disbelief. He pulled back, scoffing. “You actually care.” He sounded bewildered, almost scornful.

“i want to know. you’re not just—just a number.” Rus looked at him, adamant.

Twenty-two shook his head. “What’s in a name anyway?”

Rus frowned. “everything.”

Sighing, twenty-two said, “Well I’m not ready to give it up just yet.” He shrugged. “So there you go.” Rus looked down, trying not to let his disappointment show. Twenty-two chuckled. “Although if you’re truly desperate, I do accept other forms of payment. After all, being imprisoned for so long doesn’t afford you certain… pleasures.”

Rus looked at twenty-two, who was smirking down at him, and narrowed his sockets. “you think very highly of yourself, don’t you?”

“I’d argue the contrary, actually. But I’d still give up my name for a night with you, doctor.” He winked, and in a sudden surge of adrenaline and irritation, Rus stepped closer.

“alright then.”

For a second, twenty-two looked startled, his eyes going wide before his smirk sank back into place. “Are you calling my bluff?”

“absolutely.”

His smile faltered only briefly before he laughed, shaking his head. “Fair call. I’m above screwing people in alleyways.” Rus rolled his eyes at the obvious jab. “Besides, the memories of you shoving a thermometer down my throat are still a little too raw. Another time, maybe.”

“should you be so lucky.”

“Should I indeed.” Twenty-two still didn’t move away, but his smile grew. He leaned in and Rus felt his warm breaths against his face as he inhaled deeply. “You smell nice, doctor, have another date tonight?”

“i always smell like this.” Rus’s breath caught when twenty-two brushed his cheekbone with his knuckle.

“You do, don’t you?” he murmured distantly. 

“you really need to learn about the concept of personal space.” When he didn’t move, Rus swallowed and slipped out of his hold. “you know where i live so i presume you’ll show up if there’s anything else you need.” He walked swiftly down the alley, back towards the street and the sound of people. He fought the part of himself that wanted to turn around and walk back into the darkness


	6. When it rains...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus is in for a bit of a storm, and not the pleasant, snuggle-at-home-by-the-fire kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNINGS:** This chapter contains attempted rape, as well as threats of violence, and workplace sexual harassment. Please tread cautiously. All the usual tags apply as well.

“Storm’s coming,” Jackie said, glancing through the barred window at the roiling black clouds on the horizon.

“so it is,” Rus said, though his voice was tight through the lump in his throat. Jackie was securing a muzzle around their patient’s snout and cuffing him to the wall. Around his ankle, his tag flashed yellow, indicating average magic levels. Patient thirty-nine—the wolf Rus had seen being dragged through the hallway on his first day—was renowned for his temper and outbursts. It didn’t make this any easier.

Once he was secure, Rus picked up a needle from the med cart. “i’m going to take a blood sample now, okay?” The patient stared back at him with dull yellow eyes. Swallowing, Rus approached him. There was a shaved patch in the nook of his elbow. It was bruised and discoloured. His soul churning, Rus carefully dabbed the area with disinfectant before drawing a sample. The wolf barely flinched, but his gaze didn’t stray from Rus’s face. Rus tried not to look at him.

Once he was done, he wiped aloe vera over the area and administered a small dose of tranquiliser. “thank you,” he said, “we’re all done for now.” He removed the muzzle and the patient shook his head, flexing his jaw. 

While Jackie arranged the samples to be sent off to the lab, Rus cleaned the patient’s arm. “You know, doc, you’re always awfully nice to me,” thirty-nine said, winking. “You sweet on me or somethin’?” 

“Don’t flatter yourself, thirty-nine,” Jackie called from behind them. “He’s nice to everyone.”

“Wasn’t askin’ you, was I, bunny?” thirty-nine said, shooting Jackie a sour look. Rus smiled up at him, shaking his head.

“i’m only treating you the way every doctor should treat their patients.”

“Eh?” Thirty-nine looked at him quizzically. “All the docs meant to flirt with their pretty eyes? ‘Cause you’re the only one I’ve seen doin’ it.” He grinned while Jackie sighed heavily.

“That’s enough, thirty-nine,” she warned. Rus turned away, screwing the lid back on the aloe vera. He caught Jackie’s eye, shrugging helplessly. She grimaced. “I’ll go get his dinner. You alright to be alone for a few minutes?” She eyed thirty-nine, who was watching them with a grin. “Should be fine. He’s not going anywhere.”

Rus nodded. “i’ll clean up in here, you go.” Once she’d left, Rus began to sort through the samples, organising them on the tray. He could feel thirty-nine’s eyes on his back. “how are you feeling?” he asked, more out of a need to make conversation than for medical reasons.

Thirty-nine tugged on the cuffs and they rattled. “Little tied up to be honest.” He gave a huff of laughter and Rus smiled faintly, but his soul felt heavy.

Once the supplies were cleaned up and the samples ready, there wasn’t much more for Rus to do. Thirty-nine hadn’t stopped watching him, and squirming beneath the attention, Rus found himself asking, “what’s your name, by the way?”

“My name?” The wolf’s brow furrowed and he hummed. “Most people just call me thirty-nine.”

Rus grimaced. “i—i know they do. but that’s not your name, i’m sure. i want to know your real name. if—if you don’t mind.”

The wolf gave him a calculating look, his snout twitching. “Hm. Not sure why you’re interested, but I’ll bite. Osric. S’what people used to call me.”

A feeling of relief washed over Rus, and he smiled. “osric. thank you. you can—you can call me rus, if you want.”

The patient—Osric—laughed quietly. “Rus, eh? You still gonna try and convince me this ain’t flirting?” 

Rus smiled. “i suppose there’s no use in me doing that at this point.” Osric’s laughter grew louder, more genuine, and Rus’s soul warmed.

“Hey, doc—Rus. You ain’t so bad.” The silence didn’t feel as strained, though Osric’s unfaltering gaze was unsettling, his amber eyes sharp and discerning. “So I heard you were the doc of that guy that got out.”

Rus went still. “i was,” he said evenly. No need to overreact. He wasn’t being accused of anything.

“So how d’you think he did it?”

Rus shrugged, rearranging the samples on the med cart and avoiding Osric’s eye. “i don’t know.”

“Wish it had been me.” Rus stopped and looked up. The look on Osric’s face was no longer calculating or perceptive. He was staring at the floor, leaning heavily on the cuffs strapping him to the wall. “I hate this place. Hate not being able to feel the wind in my fur, or being able to run. Man, I miss running. I miss beer and good food. And sex.” He chuckled. “Can’t forget about sex.”

Guilt shot through Rus suddenly, and he stared at his dusty shoes. “i’m sorry,” he whispered, his chest twisting in knots.

“Ah… s’alright.”

“it’s not.” Rus looked up and swallowed. “look, i’m—i’m really not supposed to do this, but…” He approached the bed and reached into his pocket. Osric’s eyes followed the key all the way to the cuffs around his wrists. They went wide when Rus unlocked them and let them fall away. “there. it’ll just be for a couple of minutes. um, don’t tell anyone.” Maybe he’d be able to convince Jackie to let him eat his dinner without supervision.

Osric climbed off the bed and stretched. He was a lot taller when he wasn’t chained to the wall, Rus noticed, standing a good few inches above him. His arms also looked a lot bigger…

“Hey.” Osric grinned. “Thanks doc. Never get to stretch my legs these days. Spend half the time in those damn things.” He thrust his thumb at the cuffs.

“yes, well.” Rus cleared his throat. “screw that.”

Osric’s mouth curled up. His teeth were certainly sharper than Rus recalled. “Yeah, screw that.” He yawned, and—yes, his teeth were very sharp. And there were a lot of them. “You know, I heard you and that guy—the one that got out—heard the two of you were…” Osric hummed, crossing two of his fingers. “Kinda tight.”

Rus frowned. Osric was standing particularly close. He could feel the LV-generated heat coming off his body. Clearing his throat, Rus tried to squeeze past him. “well, you must have heard wrong.”

“Yeah?” Osric said, stepping aside to block his path. “I heard you were _real_ tight.” He backed Rus into the bed, and his knees buckled beneath him. His soul hammered in his throat, but before he could lift a hand to the panic button on his collar, Osric had his hands pinned at his sides. He pushed his knees apart, moving to stand between them.

“osric—” Rus’s voice was faint. _What was taking Jackie so long?_

Osric leaned down, his breathing heavy. He was grinning, revealing all his sharp yellow teeth. The tag around his ankle flickered between yellow and orange. “I heard he used to bend you over after check-ups…” He breathed against Rus’s neck, his mouth in line with his jaw. “And then he’d raw you until you screamed.” Rus’s chest twisted and tears began to build in his sockets. “You gonna offer me the same courtesy, doctor? Thought you treated all your patients nice? Or you just gonna take off my cuffs and pat yourself on the back for bein’ such a stand-up guy?” He turned Rus over and pushed him into the bed, twisting his arms behind his back. Rus gasped at the sudden pain that shot up his shoulder. “Nah,” Osric breathed against the back of his neck. “I think you have one more good deed in you today, don’t you?”

Rus whimpered. He could hear his bones rattling, but he could barely move. “o-osric,” he pleaded. “let me go, this won’t end well for you—”

Osric growled and Rus froze, terror gripping his soul. He heard the ankle tag give a warning beep as it flashed into the red zone. Osric’s body heat wrapped his body in a crushing blanket. “You think there’s anything you fuckers can do to me that hasn’t been done already ten times over? Nah.” He pulled Rus’s coat out of the way, hooking a claw over the waistband of his slacks. “May as well try for a good fuck before I get pumped full of tranq and tossed into a cell again. Ha, if I’m lucky, maybe they’ll just end me for good this time.” 

Rus felt hardness pressing against his tailbone and he squirmed, whimpering frantically. No, no, no. How was this happening? How had he been so naive? So stupid! His body seized up and his scream caught in his throat. Osric growled gutturally and pushed him down against the bed. “Make any fucking nose and I find something to break. You’ve got some pretty bones I’m just dying to chew on. Give me an excuse, doc.”

Rus shrivelled at the hatred in his voice. Tears streamed down his face, stinging his eyes. Osric was rough, yanking Rus’s slacks down. Terrified, helpless, Rus held still. He could feel LV sparking in the air, dangerous and wild, hot breath against his neck, sharp claws scraping over his bones. The ankle tag was ringing wildly.

Rus went limp. Osric’s body heat was stifling. His grunts were low and frustrated as he struggled with the buttons on his jumpsuit. Rus didn’t move. He lay utterly motionless until he heard the door creaking open, Jackie’s gasp—then scream, and a tray clattering to the floor. “Code red! Code red! Security!”

He heard Osric yelp, and the sound of a needle sinking into flesh. “Get off him!” Jackie shrieked. Osric snarled and there was a startled cry. Rus curled his fists around the white sheets, keeping his eyes shut. His body refused to move.

He heard security crashing through the door, snarls and shouts as Osric was pulled off him, then a whimper, followed by silence.

His pants were around his knees. There were voices in the room, so many voices. Jackie was sobbing. Out in the hall, someone was shouting. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to move but he couldn’t. He was shaking so hard he could hear the sound of his bones clicking together. He wanted to move, he wanted to go, he didn’t want to be here, he didn’t—

“Hey, come on, up you get.” Someone had an arm around him. They lifted him from the bed, tugging his pants up. “Let’s get you somewhere quiet, okay? You’re alright. Shh, deep breaths, hold onto me. That’s it, I’ve got you.” Rus didn’t realise how hard he was sobbing until his chest clenched and a sharp gasp escaped him. He clung to the stranger’s arm and buried his face in his thick golden mane. It smelled sharply of shampoo.

“boris…”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna take him somewhere quiet.” It took a moment for Rus to realise he was talking to someone else. “He’ll answer your questions when he’s calmed down a bit, okay? Just give him some space.”

“Is he hurt?” said a woman’s voice.

“Not that I can tell,” Boris said. “Just a little shaken up.”

Rus kept his face firmly buried in Boris’s shoulder, clinging to his arm and his mane. He wasn’t hurt. He hadn’t moved. Had stayed quiet, just like Osric had told him to. And now he was… fine. He was okay… wasn’t he?

“Just make sure he doesn’t go before we’ve talked to him, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I hear you!” Boris leaned down, murmuring to Rus. “Let’s go sit down somewhere, okay sweetheart? Find somewhere nice and quiet.” Rus didn’t look up, but he nodded and let Boris guide him.

The hallway was too loud. Footsteps running up and down, someone yelling, the distant sound of growling. Rus didn’t look up from Boris’s shoulder. Kept his head down. Kept still. He heard the sound of a door creaking open, then closing behind them, cutting off the noise. “Hey, you’re alright,” Boris said, patting his back. “Let’s sit down.”

Rus looked up and recognised the room immediately. His body went cold. This was room twenty-two. He hadn’t been in here since—

The window looked out onto the red desert, the late afternoon sun glaring through distant clouds, already fogged with sheets of rain. It was much the same as every other room in this ward; white bed, white walls, white everything. But the bookshelf was still in the corner, though the books had been cleared out. The wall behind the bed still didn’t have cuffs installed. Somehow, that was comforting.

Boris guided him to the bed and sat him down, keeping an arm around his shoulders. “How are you feeling?” he asked. Rus stared at the floor. To think… it had barely been a week since twenty-two had been in here. It felt like years. “You were very brave, you know,” Boris said, squeezing him.

Rus shook his head, tears falling. “i just lay there.” He gripped onto the bedsheets, his fists shaking. “i—i couldn’t move.” His voice cracked on the last word and he buried his face in his hands.

“I think that might have saved you,” Boris said. “If you’d struggled, he might have tried to hurt you. That’s the best thing you can do with these guys. Stay calm and let them think they’re in control.”

“i wasn’t calm. i felt like screaming.”

Boris sighed, patting his back. “Don’t worry, security took him to a holding cell. He’s gonna be on tranquilisers for a few days—probably longer. If it were up to me, they’d put him down for good.”

Rus grit his teeth, burying his face in his hands. “don’t. don’t let them do that. he—he was just—” 

He’d hated Rus. So much. Rus could still feel the anger, the hate-charged LV creeping over his bones.

“Why were you in there alone?” Boris asked.

“jackie… she just went to get his dinner. she was gone for five minutes…”

“But he was in cuffs, wasn’t he? How did he get out? Did he break free?”

Rus swallowed, staring at the floor. He suddenly felt ashamed. Too ashamed to confess that it had been his fault. He’d let him out. “i-i don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. His jaw trembled and he sucked in a shaky breath, wiping tears away with his sleeve.

“Aw, hey. Come here.” Boris pulled him in, patting his back. “You know what you need?” He leaned back to look Rus in the eye. “A night off. Something to take your mind off this place. What say you and I grab a drink after this?”

Rus pulled away, staring at him. “are—are you serious?”

“Yeah, c’mon!” Boris grinned, fisting his shoulder. “It’ll distract you from all this nonsense.”

“this nonsense…” Rus took a deep breath, shutting his eyes. “boris, i’m sorry, but i don’t really—”

“Hey, Rus. I’m telling you, it’ll be fun.” There was a faint strain to Boris’s voice, though his pearly smile revealed nothing. “Just one drink. You and me. And I’m not taking no for an answer!” He was grinning, but his hand was tight on Rus’s shoulder. Rus’s insides churned. Suddenly, he felt stuck again. He wanted to go, but Boris was holding him there. He didn’t want to be there. He just—

“f-fine. okay.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Aw, that’s what I like to hear!” Boris brushed his cheek with the back of his hand, wiping away a falling tear. “Cheer up. It’s gonna be alright.”

Rus shrugged off his hand and stood up. “i—i think i’m going to go home. i just—i need to go. tell security i’ll answer their questions tomorrow. i just need to go.”

Boris frowned but nodded. “Yeah, of course sweetheart. Go ahead. I’ll text you the time and place for tonight, yeah?”

Rus swallowed, opening the door. “sure.”

He could feel stares on him all the way back to reception. They knew. They all knew what had happened. He felt naked. His face burned and he clenched his fists in frustration, remembering how helpless he’d been. How pathetic. He wanted to scream. He hated this place. He hated it with every ounce of his being.

“Rus!”

_Not now, please._ Rus turned around slowly, not bothering to wipe the moisture from his sockets. Jackie was scurrying towards him, squeezing between the other staff in the hallway. She appeared to be in a similar predicament to Rus, her long ears drooping and her eyes red. She stared at him for a moment before rushing forward and throwing her arms around his waist. Rus froze, his arms limp at his sides. Jackie didn’t seem to notice. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “—my fault, it was all my fault. I shouldn’t have left—I should have known!”

“jackie…” Rus couldn’t do this now. He just needed to leave this place.

“You poor, poor thing! Oh, that wretched monster. That _coward._ I can’t believe he would—after how kind you were! And—”

“he hated me, jack.”

Jackie blinked up at him, wiping her eyes. “What—what are you talking about?”

Rus willed himself not to cry, but his jaw trembled. “osric—thirty-nine—whatever you want to call him. he... he hated me. i could feel it.” His fists shook and he clenched his jaw. “all of them do. everyone here. i’m trying to make a difference, i really am, but i—i _can’t._ not in this place. this place is…” He sucked in a breath, deflecting the stares of the other staff walking through the corridor. “i can’t do this anymore. i can’t help them the way i want to. not here. not in this—this _prison._ ” He spat the last word.

“What happened isn’t your fault,” Jackie said firmly. “If you’re feeling guilty—”

“of course i’m feeling guilty!” Rus’s voice cracked. “the things we do here—these monsters aren’t bad people. they deserve better than this. they don’t deserve to be treated like caged animals!”

Jackie eyed the other nurses and doctors in the corridor tentatively. Rus was attracting stares but he didn’t care. Lowering her voice, Jackie leaned in. “I know it may feel that way, but look at what happened today. If you think thirty-nine is the type of person who should be let free into the world…”

“he doesn’t deserve to rot in here. to be the victim of our twisted experiments. no matter his temperament.”

Jackie’s expression darkened, her brows furrowing. “Rus, he just tried to rape you. You can’t possibly be defending him.”

“i’m not trying to defend him! i just… i can’t justify my own actions.”

Jackie shook her head. “Rus…”

“twenty-two hated me too, you know.”

Jackie’s eyes widened briefly, then she sighed, pity flickering across her face. “No he didn’t. You don’t know that.”

“yes, he did. i do know. he would have killed me if—” He snapped his mouth shut, swallowing. “look, i—i need to go. tell them i’ll answer their questions when… i don’t know. tell them whatever you want. i don’t care. i just need to go.”

“Rus, wait!”

Rus turned his back on Jackie, ignoring her protests, and hurried swiftly through the ward. He held back his tears until he reached his car. Once his door was closed, his slammed his fists on the steering wheel and a sob broke out of him. He wiped a hand over his face, shaking. He’d always tried. Always tried to do small kindnesses for his patients when he could. To make them comfortable, even if he couldn’t save them, if he couldn’t help them.

But they hated him anyway. And he could hardly blame them. He hated himself too.

****

Rus dabbed at his sockets with a facecloth, trying to wipe away the last traces of gold-tinged tears. His eye-lights were still hazy from crying, but otherwise, he’d done a fair job cleaning up. He stepped back, studying himself in the bathroom mirror. The steam from his earlier shower was still clearing and water trickled over his reflection. He hadn’t put much effort into his outfit. Plain green sweater and jeans—‘nice’, for his standards. But not enough to give Boris the wrong impression, he hoped.

Boris had texted him the address earlier. It was too far to walk, which meant driving through traffic. Hopefully it would give him an excuse to be late. He dabbed a spot of cologne onto his wrists and neck before heading out.

The dark sky above toiled with foreboding clouds, thunder already rumbling with the promise of rain. When Rus reached the bottom of the steps outside his apartment building, he froze. His car was parked across the street, and someone was leaning against the bonnet. He swallowed and approached slowly, bracing himself. When the figure came into view he sighed—irritated, but relieved.

Twenty-two glanced up and grinned. “This yours?” he asked, nodding at the car. “It’s nice. For a Camry anyway. What year is it?”

“yes, it’s mine,” Rus said, otherwise ignoring him. He took his keys out of his pocket but twenty-two moved into the road, blocking his path to the door.

“You actually have a date tonight, don’t you?” He tilted his head. “You smell different. I would have gone without the cologne. Your natural scent works wonders on its own.”

Rus chose not to acknowledge that last statement, though it made unbidden warmth tingle down his spine. “i didn’t ask for your opinion. and it’s not a date. please move.” He reached around twenty-two for the door handle, but twenty-two moved, blocking his way again. Rus shut his eyes, exhaling deeply. “please. i’m not in the mood.”

“Who is it?” twenty-two asked, completely ignoring Rus’s request. “She? He? … they?”

“he. just someone from work.” Rus tried to move past but twenty-two put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. Rus looked up to find his expression had darkened, red eyes narrowed.

“Be careful, doctor.”

“thank you for the advice. are you my bodyguard or something?” He reached for the car handle but twenty-two caught his wrist.

“The people who work at that place—” He swallowed heavily, magic rushing between his vertebrae. Rus’s soul clenched.

“i work at that place,” he said quietly.

“You—” Twenty-two inhaled, shutting his eyes. “You’re… different. You let me go. Do you think this guy would have done the same?” He pulled Rus closer and Rus’s breath caught as the heat of twenty-two’s body captured him. “What do you think he’d do if he found out?” There was a surge of electricity in the air, twenty-two’s eye-lights flaring. Rus cringed, shutting his eyes.

“please let go of me,” he said in a meek voice, his hand shaking in twenty-two’s grip. Twenty-two blinked then released him, stepping back.

“I—I’m sorry. Are you okay?” He looked uncertain of himself suddenly, red eyes searching Rus’s face.

Rus inhaled, his breathing shaky. “did you hate me? when we were still at the facility… did you h-hate me?”

Twenty-two looked stunned, opening his mouth, then hesitating. “I—” He grimaced, looking away. Nodding, Rus exhaled.

“i thought so. i—i understand. i understand why. i deserved it. i—” He shook his head, opening the car door. “i should go.”

Twenty-two touched his hand. “Doctor…”

“it’s okay.” _Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry._ Rus tried to smile, sucking in a breath. “i just… needed to know. i’ll see you later, i guess. or maybe not.” He climbed into the car and shut the door, wiping his sockets clean with his shirt before driving away. Rain began to hammer against the windscreen. In his rear-view mirror, he could still see twenty-two’s silhouette in the street.


End file.
